Our Fetlife's


Posted by SweetPea at 1:08 AM 0 comments
Even the majority of my friends do not know that I suffer from severe anxiety.   Mostly social anxiety but ever so often even anxiety within my own house. I have not really been able to identify all of my triggers yet. Though I can tell most are closely related to imagined abandonment or social interaction. It has gotten the point that its becoming a very real problem for me and over the past couple of months I have been trying frantically to find some kind of way to control it.

    Some people just set my anxiety off by simply just existing. An example of this is a girl who's friends with my boyfriend, and she thinks I hate her. Which I have to strongly disagree with,..I mean it's not like shes on my hit list or anything. One of the reasons I am so distant from her isn't to be mean it's because she gives me the worst panic attacks I've ever experience and I have absolutely no idea why. I figured it was better to just avoid the situation. However at this point I figure it's just best to let her think I hate her. Shes not really an issue anymore.

   During this semester I am also taking public speaking which makes sure my anxiety is sky rocked on the days I am expected to be in that class which is every Tuesday and Thursday. I have often been told that fear is an irrational emotional, but fancy words don't really mean anything when you wish you could curl up in a ball and wish you were anywhere but where you are. Your palms are sweaty and your heart is pounding within your chest.

I have a new found understanding for Dan's dogs. When they completely wreck out apartment and trash it out. I have the same anxiety when Dan leaves too..I am just destructive in other ways. I might start a fight to get him to stay with me just a bit longer ( I haven't done this in a while) I have actually been working very hard to prevent things like this. So how do I deal with all my anxiety craziness.

1.)I have a worry box I keep on my phone where I can put all my worries into and write reassuring statements to go with them. This is part of cognitive therapy.

2.) Whenever Dan leaves for work or where ever he goes out somewhere without me I keep a playlist of songs that remind me of him, and play it when he is not around.

3.) I do have small things that I consider to be "security blankets" maybe a sweater that use to belong to my sister. A collar that Dan got for me, or a necklace that helps to keep me calm.

I have come a long way in dealing with anxiety and still have a long way to go but the longest journey begins with a single step.

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