The Alpha Submissive.

   Alright, I may have confused some people a little with the last post. Pea how can you be both dominant and submissive? Well my beautiful sugarnuts, take a seat and I will give you guys the whole damn run down. I am what you would call an Alpha submissive. I pretty much do what the fuck I want, within reason. Think of the animal kingdom and a lion pride. Think of say predator and prey. My submission is more instinctual than anything. Some people to me are prey, and some people to me are predators. That is to say, some are submissive and some are dominant, and I am somewhere in the middle of all of this. Don't get me wrong I see some people as my equals but not very many. Take for example my wife lele, I love her , I care for her, we are both submissive, but to me...we aren't really equals, I think this may be because you exerts more of a submissive nature than I do.
Alpha lionesses in female prides however are still submissive to the male in the pride, ...while she's keeping those other bitches in check.

  I also don't give submission freely. I have a hard time with this more than anything else. When I have established whether or not I want someone as a Dominant, I might skip a toe out of line just ever so slightly to see where my boundaries are, if the dominant is going to remain consistent, ..the only time I don't really do this is when the dominant exudes enough dominance off of them selves that I don't really have any question about it, for example...that's the kind of relationship I had with Rayne, I didn't really need to test waters to see where we stood. However if I am not sure, I will even push for dominance to be exerted so that it is clear, I might do this by something simple, like wrestling, or stepping a toe or two out of line. For example,... I was sooo sleepy today, I had left at 6:30 this morning to go to Knoxville with no sleep the night prior, had to be in Knoxville for a couple of hours, and didn't make it back to the house until noon, ..I passed out, well Dan wanted to show me something in the backyard, and woke me up at 3...so I only got three hours of sleep. His method of waking me up today was to shake me. My response was to bite him. Apparently I bit him harder than I meant to because he smacked the shit out of my thigh. It actually kind of surprised me, so I am not really sure if he meant to do it on purpose or if it was a quick reaction caused by the pain...either way, apparently biting is off limits and it's kinda obvious where he stands on it.

  I am not really sure why I feel the need to make Dominants "work" or "earn" my submission. I guess I just really feel like I should know in advance if you are not going to be able to handle me, or not going to be able to live up to your dominantly duties. I guess I also kind of feel like in order for you to command me, you have to be able to strip me from power. This usually isn't just a one time thing either... you have to remember I deal with a lot of bullshit on a regular basis, which puts me in the position to have to be big bad mama bear, so by the time Dan gets home I am usually riled up and not in a submissive frame of mind. Sometimes I need a reminder of when its time to settle down. Dan and I actually did play this game in the form of a little wrestling match. ...He threw me around like a rag doll for about an hour. Dan does Muy Tai , Brazilian Jujitsu, and Karate...and I do ..".trynottolethimbreakyourfuckingarmitsu"

  "Pea but you've said several times you're a natural submissive, why would anyone need to struggle with you for you to submit." I am a natural submissive. Submission is actually my natural state, However I got other issues going on over here sometimes where I can't really be submissive dealing with tenants and crazy people. I also enjoy the thrill of someone claiming Dominance, and them exerting it. I am also loud mouthed, opinionated, and over all bitchy, yet still submissive. What makes me a natural submissive isn't the fact that I will kneel down to every dickhead on the planet, it's because I have the natural desire to submit. I want to be obedient, and subservient, I just dont want to be that way with everyone.

  Now here's the part that might be confusing some people. "Pea didn't you use to be super meek and ultra submissive beyond reason?" Yes I did, but that wasn't really my own doing, that came from years of growing up in a family where males ran the family, and demanded submission from the females, and walking on egg shells of my overly temperamental husband. That wasn't submission...that was tyranny. To me submission is really of your own accord, ...if I am taunting you to give you the go ahead to assert your dominance..that I have in truth already submitted. We're just dancing tango at this point. So yes for a really long time, I was fairly meek and quiet, and obedient, but guess what, that's actually the part of my submission that doesn't comes naturally. It was like second nature for a while, but it wasn't natural. Personally I prefer how I am now. I am authoritative, and able to speak in person now, what I have always been able to say in print, it just came with a bit of practice, and the realization no one can any long smack me upside my head anymore if I don't seem overly...preyish.

  Now you may be thinking "Well pea, if you are both authoritative, and submissive wouldn't that make you a switch?" Absolutely not, I do not seek out people to dominate, I am seeking out people who can dominate me, if you can't I generally tend to loose interest...as shallow as that sounds. It's actually really quite instinctual if you think about it, animals in the animal kingdom do it all the damn time. I also have no desire to exert my non existent dominance over anyone either. More than likely I won't see you as an equal if you are submissive either... that's a little harsh, but it's also honest. I mean I wont beat you and treat you poorly and we will probably will be really good friends and I will care for you, but I probably won't ever see you as an equal. There are some exceptions to this, ...I think it might be other Alpha females. For example I see lele (wife) as a submissive, but I see angelic(wife) as an equal. The only reason I can imagine for the difference is angelic may be an Alpha submissive as well. Either way that's my intellectual take on it, its not like I have a degree in psychology so don't quote me verbatim. Stay Classy Bitches.

Implements don't make you Dominant.

Alright guys I am going to talk to this from my point of view , which some people might not agree with since everyone really has their own definitions within the lifestyle. There is really no set standard for them. So if you disagree with this post, that’s cool. Feel free to write your own blog thingy on the subject. Moving right along. Now when I first think of M/s , the thing that typically comes to mind for me is Sadism and Masochism. Which in turn makes me thing of Bdsm clubs, and sceneing, and you know that whole leather branch of Bdsm genre. Since I don’t really like pain, and I’m not really a major fan of sadism either. Don’t get me wrong, I like watching another girl get her ass beat just as much as the next person, but it’s not really a huge part of my participation in the lifestyle.

  I consider myself to fall into the Domination/ and submission category. I enjoy having rules, guidelines, and expectations. I like having consequences if I don’t follow those guidelines, even if I don’t particularity like the consequences. I don’t get all hot and bothered by “Kneel slut and suck my cock” In all honesty, I am probably going to laugh of you. For me, it’s the power exchange that I enjoy. I enjoy having a head of my house hold that I am subservient too. That doesn’t mean we need to forgo all common courtesy. I digress, that subject for another time. There’s so many sub-categories to domination and submission , that I could write a fucking dissertation on it. I think it’s really all the same thing but a twist on each category. Master and slave for example.. what are you doing? Dominating and submitting. Goreans.. what are you doing? Dominating and submitting. Pet girls.. dominating and submitting. Daddies/Mommies and littles? Dominating and Submitting. You get my point. I think that might be why when I see M/s I don’t automatically assume Master/slave.

  I won’t get into the debate between Master/slave vs. Dominant/submissive. You already know I feel they are the exact same thing that uses different titles. Feel free to disagree with me, that’s you’re prerogative. I can hear all the slaves going “I ain’t no damn submissive pea, I’se a slave! You take it back! you take it back right now damn it!” Calm down and breath. Yes, you are a slave that is the title you have given yourself. However, what you are doing is submitting ..which in turn makes you submissive. BOOM! Mind fucking blown! To what ever degree or how ever much protocol you want to add to that, it still doesn’t change the fact that you are submissive.
  
  You know, a lot of what I find attractive about the lifestyle, people wouldn’t call BDSM at all. “What bitch? You do dishes and laundry? and you think that makes you submissive? Shove an anal plug up your ass then talk to me about being submissive pea!” I kid I kid , but the truth is the fact that I feel doing those simply daily things like cleaning, and cooking, and making crocheted blankets, is what is so awesome about the lifestyle, if it makes you feel submissive, if it’s what you want for your lifestyle, then by all means don’t let me or anyone else dictate what you do in your dynamic. The best thing you can do is to be true to yourself. No matter what category or unlabeled dynamic you may have chosen. Stay classy America.

Being a Brat Vs. Playfulness

A while back , not to long ago, I wrote a piece on bratting, and even my own self admitted brattiness. However, after speaking to a few Dom's and Submissives on what a brat is to them, perhaps "brat" would not be the most accurate word for me. Trial and Error my dears. What I have heard from several accounts, most people consider brats to be , submissives that purposely try to annoy Dom's into giving them negative attention, or use their behavior to steer a Dom to their means. Topping from the bottom so to speak. Yeah, that's not really my thing. I can't imagine why I would honestly want a Dom upset with me.

I can honestly understand how people would mistake me to fall under the category of a brat. Each person has their own ideals on exactly what they think the lifestyle should be, as well as how every dynamic in the lifestyle should be. I may have not been in many relationships in my life, but I am aware that no two of them were alike. So, I don't know why people expect conformity in the lifestyle. I defiantly don't fit the bill on what most people think a submissive should be. I don't kneel. Why should I have to kneel to show reverence? I don't call every Tom ,Dick and Harry "Sir, or Master" What for? Submission isn't protocol , and it certainty isn't fancy honorifics. This irks people, and apparently comes off as "disrespectful" and to those people I say, get over yourself. Not calling you Master, or kowtowing to you doesn't make me any less of a submissive.

Now, I love playing with Doms, I think Tynian put it best last night. "You know where the line is, and you always stop before you cross it. That isn't being a brat, it's being smart." I absolutely love to play. You know in hindsight , it has never actually been a Dom I was playing with , who I offended. It was always either some bitchy Free woman, who had nothing to do with it, or another submissive. I honestly don't get women, why would you start shit with me just because a Dom is choosing to give me attention? You know what the best thing about being uncollared is? The attention. Now I know... some people are like "but pea, I thought attention seeking is bad and bratty?" Yes, and No. It can be depending on how you go about it. When I am being playful with a Dom, and notice that he doesn't approve of my antics... I stop immediately. I'm kinda sensitive at heart , so it's pretty easy to hurt my feelings. So I try to avoid that. A Brat, will accept any attention, including negative at whatever expense of the Dom. She will keep pushing and pushing until she gets her way. Whether she wants attention, whether she wants him to bend to his will. Whether she causes a scene just to get a punishment.

Another reason people like to throw me in the brat category or in the "wanna be subbie" line is because I am in no way shape or form, or in any sense of the word "Meek" I am known for standing up for myself, I am known for being a spitfire. If you are picking on me (which many Free women, and other submissives have) I will stop you out with a quickness, and put your snarky ass back in your place. People seem to be under the delusion , that just because I am submissive means I have to be submissive to everyone, or that I need to be malleable, and delicate. Comedy. It takes a mighty heart to be submissive, and I don't see anyone who is easily maneuvered or manipulated, or easily influenced, being successful in that role. I guarantee you that submissive would be subjected to all kinds of abuse before she found her way.

People in the Lifestyle seem to forget that world law, trumps lifestyle law any day. You can ask anyone who keeps my company, I am always respectful, as long as you come at me with respect, and realize that until I have made a conscious decision to submit to you... or at the very least show you reverence, that we are in fact equals. I will not do as you command, and I will not call you Master, I will not call you Sir. I will in fact, speak to you as a peer, but with mutual respect. That isn't to say that one has to be my Dom to earn that kind of acknowledgement from me, there are plenty in the lifestyle who I afford those same curtsies because they earned it.

Why is it that people expect slaves and subbies to be rigid in everything but bed? I have a news flash for you people , liking to have fun and play around does not automatically equal brattiness. You wanna to know the honest truth? I think I would gouge my eyes out from boredom , if all I ever did was kneel prettily, be all graceful, and and fetch water and food for a Dom. Kill me...now. My existence would be meaningless. I love to engage in conversation, I love to learn new things, I love adding to my arsenal of capabilities and interest. I can be quite beguiling, and I love to entertain, and by far the most I love to play. So the next person to call me a brat, really needs to evaluate , exactly what a brat is, and whether they are correct, or they are just being vindictive because I hurt their inflated ego, or don't submit to their protocols, because baby I wrote the Award winning dissertation on submission ;)

"I own you, you belong to me."

      I have always considered myself to be an all around non-affectionate person...that is until a couple of nights ago. I realize that I am affectionate, I am just affectionate in other ways. I was laying down in the bed the other night waiting for Dan to join me and fighting with my phone a bit. When he finally does join me, he promptly takes the phone out of my hand and proceeds to tell me "No phone for you, it's bed time." I decide not to argue and let him place my phone anywhere he wishes. He than states quite clearly "I own you, you belong to me."

      Now for me personally, I have never been quite comfortable with the term "I love you." I really don't say it to anyone, save my children. I just find the whole phrase foreign and uncomfortable for me. However, when he said "I own you, you belong to me. I guess I sort of got an understanding of what "I love you." may mean to some people. It made me feel wanted, it made me feel like he knew I was a responsibility in myself and that for me, he was willing to take on that responsibility. It felt as if he was saying "I am going to protect you, and care for you."

    I have never really sat down and explained what I felt being owned meant. I find it to be a terribly cliche` writing, that has been dragged on and on by countless submissive and slaves. However, I don't think I really understood exactly what it meant to me personally until he uttered those words to me and I realized exactly what I wanted. Being owned by someone means they will protect me, they will care for me. It means they understand that they are accepting a responsibility to me to accept all that I come with, whether it be my children, my flaws or shortcomings.Much the same as I am accepting the responsibility to accept them for who they are.  Most of all it means that they will love me.

 I am not sure if Dan understands this is what he was saying to me when he uttered those words, but boy it sure feels wonderful. I guess how many people feel when someone tells them that they love them. I never thought that submission, and ownership could be so endearing. 

Denying Our submission

 So as some of you may or may not know I was in a relationship in the 2011-2012 year that was a lifestyle relationship, and when it ended I was completely heartbroken. I stopped writing, I stopped coming around Fetlife, I stopped interacting with many of my kinky friends that I had build relationships with and I for all purposes attempted to live a life outside of the lifestyle which I will tell you now is not impossible, ...but it's also not ideal, or easy. 

I tried to keep the submissive part of me hidden deep inside myself. Which you would think wouldn't be hard, especially since my personality comes off as authoritative, and abrasive. Some of my tenants have even gone so far to tell me I am a dictator. (Which isn't true, ...this just isn't a democracy.) Everything right down to my facial features screams "Not submissive" but then.... I seek out dominant traits in my partners on a subconscious level. I find my self usually turned off by a man who is bursting with submissive features. 

I make scenarios happen in my day to day life in which I can act in a submissive way. 

Many of the movies I watch have a submissive/dominant undertone to them or a just out right and blunt Master/ slave relationship in them. I think perhaps because it is just something that I can relate to.  Not to mention as far as what I am attracted to sexually ..just isn't in any sense of the word "Vanilla".  Hell, there use to be a time I could not lubricate without getting smacked around a few times first. 

 Rayskajira asked me the other day why I had been torturing myself so long to live in a vanilla relationship so much and I guess the answer didn't come to me until now but... I feel that perhaps it was because I didn't want to put myself in the some position I was with Rayne, having put her so high on a pedastool, I guess it was a shock to my system when she fell from it. Don't get me wrong there was many great things I learned from Rayne that I am grateful for. Most of all that she gave me the drive to get up and do what is necessary for me to make it in this world, and two years after the relationship has ended, I have gotten my GED, I go to college, I'm a member of the honor society, and by the grace of God I am almost finished with my degree. I am grateful for that, but at the same time I also outgrew what Rayne was there teach me, and now she has her own journey to work through , and do some learning herself before she will be able to teach another person. 

I think going into this relationship I have now, I have a more mature outlook on things. I have a better understanding of who I am as a person. I know with Rayne I was 21 and that's not much younger than I am now with Dan at 25, but oh, if you understood what a difference a year can make. Now don't get me wrong I still have some of the same issues I did 2-3 years ago as far as security blankets and needing to be reassured that I am loved, but it isn't cripplingly so like it use to be. I am definitely more in tune with myself, I know exactly what I want , who I am , and what I won't put up with. Whereas with Rayne there was somethings I would do for the sake of "submission." Where as at this point I'm more likely to say "Nope Nope Nope, piss off dude! " If you can't respect limits, our conversation ends now, and I think that's healthy. It takes so much to give someone all of who you are...that asking for anymore than that, just seems selfish. 

I don't think I will ever be able to ignore the fact that submission is deeply grained inside of me, as cliche` as that sounds it really is. I have always submitted, in my relationships, in my childhood, and sometimes even  I can see how it can be viewed as a weakness. Women are no longer expected to be the submissive housewife types , now they are expected to be fierce and feminist, and warrior women, but I think being true to who you are takes a great amount of courage in it's own right.  I think me coming back into the lifestyle and loving someone again after being consecutively heartbroken takes a leap of faith, and huge amount of willpower, but I know it would be a great deal more painful to continue to deny that part of who I am.  In one of my favorite songs. "I hope you dance" by Lee Ann Womack a line goes "Loving might be a mistake, but its worth making. " because if I was afraid to get back on that horse I wouldn't have meet my current partner who believe me surpassed my ex husband, and Rayne both by bounds.  Anyway, I am rambling at this point so I am gonna go ahead and end it here. Stay classy Fetlife. 

30 Days of Kink : Day 2

**List Your Kinks**

 Now I am not a particularly kinky girl. You won't find me first in line to get tied up, branded, or have my nipples clamped. It just doesn't do it it for me.
I do however have a few quirks here and there that I guess could be considered kinky.

I love love love collars. Especially when done right. Don't bring me home a petco Velcro collar and expect me to be impressed. I have dished out some serious dough on the likes of Ring of Steel and Eternity Collars. I love steel, I really really do not like the idea of leather collars.

I love leashes, I am a bit less picky about these however, and don't really spend as much time and effort exploring them as I would a collar.

Control. I enjoy..to a certain extent micro management. Pick out my clothes, tell me what I am going to be doing today, but don't confuse it with NEEDING to be micro managed, I am perfectly capable of being responsible all on my own.

Dominant men. Dominant Men are my fetish someone who can keep me from emasculating them but at the same time knows that being dominant, doesn't mean they have to be an asshole. Someone who understands they don't need fancy toys, or knot tying skills to be dominant. Someone who understands that dominance is a trait, not a title.