What It's Like to Fall from Grace

       You know that feeling you get deep down in your stomach, when the look in his eyes lets you know that you have stepped out of line? That stomach clinching feeling when you immediately regret the words that just came out of your mouth because they were filled with venom? I have recently been there, just a couple of days ago in fact when I got into a heated argument with Dan.  I cussed, and yelled, and screamed and through an absolute tantrum, accused him of doing things he probably wasn't doing, and even if he was there was probably no intentional malice behind it. I just am not able to handle my emotions very well. If I perceive any thoughts of abandonment, I immediately lash out. Well, a new girl has come into our lives. I guess new for me, not new for Dan. I realized the first time when Dan had her over that he had an attraction to her, and I was perfectly okay with this...until a few days later when I realized she was making him smile, ...where I wasn't. She was relieving his stress, ..where I wasn't. He was spending more time with her, than he seemed to be with me, even though it was in an effort to help the girl. That green eyed monster I try so hard to keep bottled in immediately released itself from its cage and took over. Instead of explaining to him why I was upset, ...I lashed out. "You're always doing this! You're always doing that!" It got ugly, and fast.

    After the initial argument, I left to tell my teacher I wouldn't be attending class that day, and to turn in my home work. I then went to Walmart to send my brother some money. When I returned home I went into my room and laid on my bed, and pouted, and cried, and threw my own internal tantrum. After about three hours of Dan letting me fume in the bedroom, he finally came in and tried to talk to me.  He explained to me the things I brought up weren't really valid, that he wasn't attempting to do anything malicious towards me, and how he thought I had gotten over this hatred of him leaving me just to go out and do things that he needed to get done. None of it really mattered though, since none of this is why I was actually upset. He then left me alone to finish homework and stew in my depressed stupor. The next few days however if when the real hell began..

    Every time he talked to me, If I was lucky enough to have him talk to me..there was a hiss in his voice that I assure you stung more than any lash every could. For the most part he left me alone to carry out my day, I went to photo shoots, I went to school, I went grocery shopping by myself. When he hugged me to leave for these things..the warmth just didn't feel like it was there anymore. He continued to see the girl, and continued to help her, but I suppose the jealousy monster was more content to stay inside me and sulk this time. He didn't go out of his way to give me any attention this week. He would hold me when we slept but he wouldn't really speak to me. No matter what I did, I couldn't really make him smile. I couldn't really make him want to be around me. The weird part is, I was perfectly understandable of this. Who wants to be around someone who is difficult like that? Who wants to be around someone who flips out at every little imagined scenario of abandonment.

 We haven't talked about the argument since the time after it happened, and maybe that's a mistake. I just don't really know how to put into words how I feel. I am sure that his indifference to me is probably imagined. Mostly, I have spent the past couple of days trying to find a way to draw him to pay some attention to me, ..go to the gym?  Cut my hair and change the color? ... Dress super pretty and primpy? Detail clean the house? Cook him dinner?  I wish I knew how to tell him... "I just want to feel like you love me. I want to be the center of your world like you are mine."  Is that terribly unreasonable? I am sure he does love me. Several people over the past few days have told me that, ...I guess they can tell I am in a bad head space right now. I guess they can tell it has to do with Dan.

 I am sure we will be fine. Right now I am just in a bad place, ....and perhaps it is well deserved for allowing my emotions to cloud my better judgement. Perhaps it is my own minds perpetual self punishment. I just wish it would end, and we can get back to how we felt just mere days ago.  I don't want to be the reason he regrets coming home in the evening, I don't want to be the reason he spends extra time at work. I want to be the one to make him smile, I want to be the one that makes his life just a little less stressful, I want to be the one that makes his home life warm.

Worth

Very short post, as I just want to word-ify some thoughts I have.

Sometimes the easy way out is the best solution. Sometimes giving into your carnal instincts is the right choice. Sometimes action is better than caution.

Sometimes is not always.

As a submissive man, there is a lot of...scum in my peers, which breeds scum in the dominant side of this community. I have no real experience with male doms of male subs, so I can't really speak to that, so I'll speak only to the female side of the equation.

I want to get this out of the way right now, I have no qualms against "pro dommes", those who make the sexual side of S/m a profession. That is fine, that is free-market capitalism; providing a desired service for payment in a generally regulated environment.

No, the ire I have is mostly directed at "pay-dommes", modestly-to-very attractive women who say you have a small penis then demand large sums of money to continue to call your penis small. Those who think verbal abuse is domination and the fools that think that humiliation is submission.

(on the pro domme thing again, there are plenty of people who pay for that kind of stupid humiliation stuff; if it gets them off, it gets them off, but they're at least doing it in a regulated, business-like manner, and paying a reasonable amount of money rather than "lol gimmie ur paycheck, loser")

Now is the time where I admit I have impulses, most days if not every day. This is the said easy way out. To just find some college student with the foresight to use the vulnerability of others to their advantage and live with the abuse. Or worse yet, fall in with some foolish Cybellean, or other gender/race supremacist and live a lie of having an inferiority complex.

I fight those impulses, for I know my life is worth more than that. That I am more than that. I must fight those impulses, because this life isn't worth wasting. I will fight these impulses, because the alternative is surrender.

I am not worthless, despite what I might say. My life is not worthless, despite what I might think. No life is worthless, despite what I might believe. For this reason, I must fight, as there is few things worth fighting for more than myself.

Consensual Slavery Vs. Actual Slavery

Naevia from Spartacus

I wrote about this topic once already back in 2011, Many people did not find it favorable and you know what? Many people are not going to like it now.  However, it is a topic that desperately needs to be addressed. I can hear it now. "Pea how can you comment on being a slave when you identify as a sub."  Well little chick-a-pea, I have been in the lifestyle since I was 18, I am now 25. I have plenty enough time to venture down that road of consensual bondage.

I have heard it said several times in the community that slaves differ in a D/s relationship from a submissive because slaves do not have rights, and or limits. I know that the following statement has been beaten to death with a mallet and hanged on the archway of every D/s bloggers door way but I will say it again and even use my italics to add emphasis for you. " Everyone  has limits." No you're not the exception, no you're not more devoted because you are willing to stick more in your ass. Even you, yes you my dead have limits. You really have to understand the horrors of actual non consensual slavery to understand this. In actual slavery, your children can be sold away, your daughters can be used for sexual pleasure, your sons can be put to death if you live in a country (or time period) that supported enslavement. If these things don't fall into your list of limits or things you wouldn't consent to, they honey... you need to sit down , put on a pot of coffee, take some time to reevaluate your like, and seek therapy.  

   The fact of the matter is, in consensual slavery you very well do have rights. You can deny them, you can refuse to use them, but I guarantee there is that one thing that will eventually come up that will finally make you use a safe word and scream "bandannas!" There are things you are not willing to do, and that is perfectly acceptable. "Look pea, I know I am a slave! and I know that slaves have no rights! I even let my Master stick a dildo in my ass, and press a bullet to my clit. Now that's dedication!" Here's the thing sweet tart. Yes, in consensual slavery you may often submit to things you don't necessarily want to do.  Submissives in relationships also do things they don't necessarily want to do. As a child, I did things I didn't want to do when I obeyed my parents. As a student I do things I don't want to do for my teachers. As a worker , I do things for my boss I don't want to do. I digress. I can however, at any time decide to change employment, I can at any time decide to longer attend that school. Same as a person in consensual slavery can at anytime and has every right to terminate their relationship with the person who they call Master. 

Now I can understand wanting your dynamic to get as close to the real thing as possible, that's a common want of many people in the lifestyle. I completely understand it especially with shows like Spartacus and Sally Hemmings: An American Scandal romanticizing slavery. Here's the truth, yes it happened slaves sometimes fell in love with their owners. Whether or not it was actually love, or some generally all around fucked up case of Stockholm syndrome is up to a psychologist. Still, mental illnesses aside falling in love with your owner was generally pretty rare. It wasn't a case of submission... it was a case of survival. Many slaves actually poisoned, rebelled, and killed their owners.  Actual slavery was nothing like consensual slavery. 

 I can not tell you how many times I have had a slave tell me. "I'm not a submissive pea, I am a slave." I am usually content to just sit there and nod and smile while I internally facepalm myself , but this time I will explain why. All slaves are submissive but all submissive aren't slaves. The act of you obeying your Master/dominant/Daddy/Mistress, whatever is relevant to you is called submission. The very art of being the bottom of any relationship is submission. In a D/s relationship, you agree to give up complete control over your relationship, or even equal control over your relationship. The portion of what you get to control differs in every dynamic, but at the end of the day the act of you submitting to a power exchange is submission. 

"So pea are you telling me you have a problem with people identifying as slaves?"  Not at all, I can understand the concept behind it, hell I can even see the beauty in it. I do however have a problem when I have to listen to slaves come and explain to me how they are "true" slaves because they don't have limits or rights in their dynamic. I have an issue with people thinking that the refusal to invoke a right, is the same thing as being forfeit of them.  If you identify as being a slave that is perfect acceptable and awesome, and no one can tell you how to live your dynamic. Just know the difference between consensual slavery and Actual slavery. Consensual slavery can be a beautiful act of devotion and submission. Actual slavery is diabolical, inhumane, and an unforgivable act of human disregard. 

Stay classy, readers. 

Slaves Vs. Submissives

OK I may or may not have written about this topic before, and my views on things generally don't change, so you will have to forgive me , if this post seems repetitive. I am writing this post from both perspectives; submissive, and slave, having myself, been in a dynamic for each genre, so to speak. The most common thing I have heard about the difference between a slave and a submissive is; within the slave dynamic the relationship is more about the dominant , while within a submissive relationship it is more about the submissive. While I acknowledge that everyone has the right to their opinion. I must respectfully, disagree.

I don't believe I have ever been any less devoted to Master, then I was to a Dom. I don't think there was any less submission afforded to the other. The difference to me between a slave and a submissive has to do more with what I will refer to as "rights." ... As a submissive, I was more afforded the right to express an opinion, as well as express a dislike or distaste for certain things. Now I am a big advocate of keeping actual slavery separated from consensual slavery, ...so while I must stress the fact that these are also rights afforded to BDSM slaves, I do understand that as a slave we forfeit, our right to...well, rights.

The biggest problem I have with consensual slavery , is people who claim to have "no limits" ..Everyone has limit's I assure you, but I do understand the concept of a Master not allowing his slave limits. Been there, done that, have the coffee mug. Slave is not something I really identify with very well, because I have an overwhelming need to express my opinions, I enjoy reserving the right to say no. Just because I say no to my Dom, doesn't make me any less submissive I assure, submission is not succumbing to every fucked up , and depraved sexual torture that some Dom wants to put you through. In fact I have been in relationships that were D/s and were not sexual in nature at all. Something that people within the lifestyle seem to forget is that dominance and submission, are traits. They aren't sexual acts, they aren't fetishes. Take notes class.

Did I feel any different as a submissive than a slave? Honestly, yes .. as a slave I felt more restricted then I was as a subbie, to communicate with my Dom, and express my feelings. Not saying that's how it is will all slaves, this is just my own personal experiences with it. I really honestly never had trouble as a slave. In fact, I quite excelled at it. However, it just isn't my preferred way of life. Submission comes to me as naturally as the air I breathe. I won't go as far to say I was born submissive, because I honestly think it had more to do with my upbringing, but I can tell you I don't have a dominant bone in my body. That's not to say I don't have the ability to assume leadership roles, or to be assertive, anyone who thinks that submissives and slaves are so weak minded that they can be molded, or "broken" or are doormats, need to really analyze their role in this lifestyle and take a step back. Humans are by nature and birth highly spirited people, and I believe there is nothing worse then a door mat submissive. (Yes, I'm sure that's offensive to someone, after all there is a group of people proud to be called doormats. Get over it.)

Do I think slaves are better than submissives or that slaves submit more? Nope.
Don't at all, I think they are equally on par with each other. If you are honestly that delusional to believe that "everything you do is for your Dom and to make them happy", you're a goddamn liar. You get something out of it too, or you wouldn't be doing it and that's just the got honest truth. So be it slave or submissive you are defiantly doing it for your benefit as well , so I don't see how slavery can be "more about the Master" then submission. It's the same damn concept. Yes , consensual slavery may have more control, but YOU chose that role. So that tells me , You're the one who wanted it that way. Ive seem Dom/Subbie rolls that were just as devoted , trusting and loving as any M/s role I've ever seen, but I digress.

I don't so much choose to be submissive as it is just a deeply imbedded character trait of mine. What some slaves fail to realize is they are submissive as well, every bottom in the D/s lifestyle is a submissive first. Because what you are doing is the process of submitting. So slave, kajira, subbie, pet... all submissives. Some may have more control, some may have less, that isn't really decided by your title, but more by the dynamic in your relationship. I just find that the term "subbie" suits me better. If you honest to god absolutely have to put a label on pea, it's "subbie" Mostly, because I am not gonna bow down to your every whim, or asinine sexual fantasy that comes into your head. I honestly don't think any genre of submissives should, but hey far be it from me to tell them how to run their lives. Honestly I'm in a league of my own my dears, and I march to the beat of my own chains.
Stay classy, America ;) 

Lifestyle Pet Peeves.

 I actually sat down and wrote this list , and to my surprise there wasn't nearly as many as I expected there to be. I only have five for you guys to day, but I can defiantly say without a shadow of a doubt, these are the one's who irk me the most. 

  1.) High Protocol enforcers: Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with living your dynamic the way you want to. If you want your slave kneeling at all times that she is not in service, and calling every Dom in the general area "Master" , more power to you my friend, but for the love of all that is holy realize that not everyone in the world is going to agree with you or follow your doctrine. I for one think that it is an absolute waste of time for me to be sitting there kneeling all pretty like. I would much rather be on my feet doing something productive and being useful. Even if I am just crocheting a blanket its better then sitting there and being idle. Also, who the hell decided that kneeling was a universal symbol of submission? You telling me I can't be submissive if I don't kneel? Screw that! I can sit Indian style and still be submissive. 

  Also if I do not belong to you, there is no reason for me to accept your views on protocol. I don't have to adopt them either. That means if you aren't my dominant, then guess what? I don't have to call you Master. I don't have to get you a drink. I don't have to do shit , but avoid you and your craziness. That being said; generally if you're kind enough not to demand it and let me know that you prefer to be addressed this way, or would I mind doing this for you? Well, I'm pretty accommodating and I don't see why I wouldn't be inclined to oblige. Just, don't be a major douche about it. 

2.)  Blind Obedience: I actually was browsing around some blogs and videos today and apparently people are under the impression that a submissives only responsibility is complete obedience.  Okay, if you wanna be a doormat submissive, what ever. That is your prerogative, but don't expect that to ever be condoned by me. If there is something any dominant ask of me, including my own which I don't agree with or I feel would put me in a negative situation you bet your candy ass I am not going to obey that command. I have seen submissives who thought it was okay that their Dom commanded them to sleep with a room full of men. That's not being dominant , that's being a lecherous douchebag.

     It shows no concern for they physical or psychological well being of your sub.  I really honestly can't understand why any submissive would subject themselves to that, or think that is was okay. Some submissives do need to be taught that sometimes it's okay to say no. There are in fact dom's out there that are looking to take advantage of submissiveness. How many times have we all heard  " Well if you don't do this , you're not a real submissive?" Naturally a submissive wants to be pleasing , but sometimes there is a line that needs to be drawn. Submissives should not blindly follow commands for the sake of submission. 

Just because someone is a submissive does not mean that they loose all identity and freedom of thought. There is nothing wrong with being a submissive who can think, act, and speak for herself. It's okay to have your own opinions. Its okay to have your own interest, and it's okay to have your own personality. I can't count how many times I have seen submissives who believed they couldn't enjoy a band unless their owner enjoyed that particular band as well. You are still your own entity.

3.) Elitiest submissives: They're kind of like the hipsters of the subbie world. These submissives are convinced that they're the best and are more than happy to tell you everything you're doing wrong! Actually, I was in a channel on IRC once and this guy had Master in front of his name. Keep in mind that there was no previous posting anywhere in the channel that it was high protocol. So I called him by his regular nick name. There was no end to the amount of subbies wanting to jump down my throat and tell me how rude I was for not being willing to call him "Master"

  I didn't know the guy from Adam . What had he ever done to show me he was worthy of being called "Master?" Yet these subbies were quick to down me for not doing so. I have also seen subbies down other slaves for not kneeling. Seriously, what is it with you people and kneeling? Not to bring up a tragic moment in our nations history, but...did you ever see an antebellum slave kneeling? I've seen slaves who told others if they weren't house wives, then they weren't real slaves.

Let me explain something right now, NONE of us are real slaves. No one in the lifestyle is a real slave. You have a choice. You have the option to leave your relationship at anytime. You are choosing this, and if you aren't then you don't need to be reading this blog you need to be calling 911 and getting the hell out of there if you have access to a computer.

 4.)  Gor book thumpers: There much like Jehovah's Witnesses. They tell you all about Gor and how wonderful it is, and how everyone should do BDSM this way. Many of the kajira's also remind me of elitist submissives. Basically they're just convinced that their way is the best way. Not saying this about all Goreans. However there is a good percentage of them that are this way that compel me to be annoyed by them. 

If you want to get into knowing about the Gorean lifestyles and philosophies they wanna know how many of the gazillion books you have read to be worthy of their attention. I had a woman once (Still can't stand her, and her boy to this day) Who decided it was okay to tell me that she was going to "kill" me if I refused to obey. I told her she might wanna hold off on the terroristic threats. Some people take it seriously. She didn't like that. Seriously though, why is the lifestyle such a fantasy world for some people. You aren't going to kill me, because you know there is consequences. You aren't going to whip me either because that's an assault charge. Unless I submit to it, you aren't going to do shit to me, so you're threats are baseless.

5. It's all about the sex. Why oh why do you people thing that the lifestyle is about sex and sex alone? I get that for many people it's a fetish. You do this to improve your sex life in the bedroom and what not. However that being said domination and submission aren't fetishes, they're character traits. Sex has nothing to do with it. All you guys are doing is adding sex to an already existing dynamic. That's why I can't stand when people say you can learn to be submissve and you can learn to be dominant because you can't. You either are or you aren't. Trust me one day I am going to write a dissertation on why this is in MLA format. So everyone can clearly understand that.

Unless then, let me just say and do a public service announcement : I don't care how big your cock is. I don't want to see your penis pictures. I could careless what you wanna do to me, how you wanna lick me or where you wanna stick it in, so for the love of all things holy, stop messaging me about it!

Collars. A quick Review!

Does my nose look big to you? 

    The collar I have from Ring Of Steel by Vadfarkas was originally given to me in 2012 from Rayne. It it what is known as a coffle collar with hinge ring and padlock option. It is a custom made original that Rayne asked Vadfarkas to design specifically for me. It cost approximately $250.00 There is a total of 7 gems in-bedded in it. 2 purple, 2 white, 2 green and one red in the back where the collar connects to a heart shaped pad lock. What I really like about this collar is the quality it was made. I have had it for about 3 years now and there is absolutely no blemished, no wear and tear. There isn't so much as a smudge on it and I can take a shower with it on without having to worry about it rusting. I also love the fact that it has the o-ring on it to be able to attack a leash. (Which I have of course done.) Even though I do not wear this collar, I have to say because of the quality and durability attached, it's my favorite collar. I will definitely be purchasing another one of Vad's products in the hopefully very near future.So it is a little bit more pricier..but in my opinion it is completely worth it if you want a collar that is going to last you for life!  For those who do not know what ring of steel is you can view their website here Ring of Steel

look at those boobs!! mmmm

      The collar that Dan got for me was given to me in 2013 for my 24th birthday and is the collar I currently wear. He purchased it from the website without the pendant. The one I have is called "original." They also have other options such as "gold plated" and "titanium." The collar without the pendant cost exactly $100.00 and at the time was shipping free if you made a purchase over $90.00. What I like about this collar set was the ability to add the pendant , though the pendant is an extra $55.00. However, the pendant can be inscribed. You can pick the font and what you want your pendant to say. Mine is inscribed in the font "Josephine" and the front says "Dan's" while the back says "sweetpea" The drawback to this collar is I would not recommend wearing it in the shower...the collar itself won't rust but the allan screw it comes with will. I am also having a bit of trouble with it as far as closing. I literally have to slam it shut every time I need to close it back around my neck. However, I could just be unlucky. All in all it's a pretty decent collar. You can check out their website at Eternity Collars.

I hate this photo.

Finally, the last collar I own comes from The Collar Factory who specialized in more of a leathery type of collar. Now for anyone who knows me they know I cannot stand leather collars. So don't let my hatred of leather sway your opinion! That being said this was the first collar given to me by Rayne before we had ever meet in person. So I guess it was kind of like.. a promise collar? It was $50.00. Now there are three things that I do like about this collar. 1.) It is absolutely affordable, if you think $50.00 is unreasonable you should really check out some of the custom collars made on etsy to gain some perspective of the going rates of quality collars. 2.) It is very easy to customize via their website. You can pick the type of buckle., What the collar says (Mine says Rayne) and the color of the threat lining. 3.) What I like most about it is it isn't leather on the inner side it is a nick pink plush that is very soft against my skin. The downside? Well it's leather for one..and I just have a weird hatred of leather. The ends do tend to somewhat tatter, and my dogs to destroy it in a heartbeat if I didn't keep it in a safe locked box. However I feel it is a good first collar, ...especially if you are on a budget. You can check their store out at The Collar Factory

Stay Awesome Folks! 

Denying Our submission

 So as some of you may or may not know I was in a relationship in the 2011-2012 year that was a lifestyle relationship, and when it ended I was completely heartbroken. I stopped writing, I stopped coming around Fetlife, I stopped interacting with many of my kinky friends that I had build relationships with and I for all purposes attempted to live a life outside of the lifestyle which I will tell you now is not impossible, ...but it's also not ideal, or easy. 

I tried to keep the submissive part of me hidden deep inside myself. Which you would think wouldn't be hard, especially since my personality comes off as authoritative, and abrasive. Some of my tenants have even gone so far to tell me I am a dictator. (Which isn't true, ...this just isn't a democracy.) Everything right down to my facial features screams "Not submissive" but then.... I seek out dominant traits in my partners on a subconscious level. I find my self usually turned off by a man who is bursting with submissive features. 

I make scenarios happen in my day to day life in which I can act in a submissive way. 

Many of the movies I watch have a submissive/dominant undertone to them or a just out right and blunt Master/ slave relationship in them. I think perhaps because it is just something that I can relate to.  Not to mention as far as what I am attracted to sexually ..just isn't in any sense of the word "Vanilla".  Hell, there use to be a time I could not lubricate without getting smacked around a few times first. 

 Rayskajira asked me the other day why I had been torturing myself so long to live in a vanilla relationship so much and I guess the answer didn't come to me until now but... I feel that perhaps it was because I didn't want to put myself in the some position I was with Rayne, having put her so high on a pedastool, I guess it was a shock to my system when she fell from it. Don't get me wrong there was many great things I learned from Rayne that I am grateful for. Most of all that she gave me the drive to get up and do what is necessary for me to make it in this world, and two years after the relationship has ended, I have gotten my GED, I go to college, I'm a member of the honor society, and by the grace of God I am almost finished with my degree. I am grateful for that, but at the same time I also outgrew what Rayne was there teach me, and now she has her own journey to work through , and do some learning herself before she will be able to teach another person. 

I think going into this relationship I have now, I have a more mature outlook on things. I have a better understanding of who I am as a person. I know with Rayne I was 21 and that's not much younger than I am now with Dan at 25, but oh, if you understood what a difference a year can make. Now don't get me wrong I still have some of the same issues I did 2-3 years ago as far as security blankets and needing to be reassured that I am loved, but it isn't cripplingly so like it use to be. I am definitely more in tune with myself, I know exactly what I want , who I am , and what I won't put up with. Whereas with Rayne there was somethings I would do for the sake of "submission." Where as at this point I'm more likely to say "Nope Nope Nope, piss off dude! " If you can't respect limits, our conversation ends now, and I think that's healthy. It takes so much to give someone all of who you are...that asking for anymore than that, just seems selfish. 

I don't think I will ever be able to ignore the fact that submission is deeply grained inside of me, as cliche` as that sounds it really is. I have always submitted, in my relationships, in my childhood, and sometimes even  I can see how it can be viewed as a weakness. Women are no longer expected to be the submissive housewife types , now they are expected to be fierce and feminist, and warrior women, but I think being true to who you are takes a great amount of courage in it's own right.  I think me coming back into the lifestyle and loving someone again after being consecutively heartbroken takes a leap of faith, and huge amount of willpower, but I know it would be a great deal more painful to continue to deny that part of who I am.  In one of my favorite songs. "I hope you dance" by Lee Ann Womack a line goes "Loving might be a mistake, but its worth making. " because if I was afraid to get back on that horse I wouldn't have meet my current partner who believe me surpassed my ex husband, and Rayne both by bounds.  Anyway, I am rambling at this point so I am gonna go ahead and end it here. Stay classy Fetlife.