My collar is not my wedding ring.

At AppleBee's with Dan

        About three weeks ago I did a photo shoot with the very talented Puddintane423, You can find him on the Fetlife. The overall theme of the photo shoot was collars.  We shot each one of my steel collars. Collars I had from Eternity and Ring of Steel, regardless of the relationship I was in when I had those collars. Meaning, Rayne's collar was shot too. It felt really strange wearing something that was part of a relationship I no longer have any type of emotional attachment to. It was also the first time I wore it since Rayne and I had split up in 2012. The collar, which was a ring of steel collar was very personalized to include the birth stones of my birthday, Rayne's birthday, and my daughters birthday. There was no way of mistaking it for what it was...a relic of a past relationship.

    I have seen tons of post on Fetlife and across the BDSM community speaking on "collar hopping" and comparing collars to that of a wedding ring.  While it's a nice idealization that being presented with a collar is equivalent to a marriage proposal, I must for several reasons agree to disagree. For me, Collars are largely symbolic. I do not need one to feel more submissive and I do not need one to really show that I am submissive. However, I think it can be a nice tool in D/s and that it is a marvelous piece of jewelry. Yes, I called it a piece of jewelry, because at the end of the day that is what it is. Were I a person of more affluent means, you better believe I would have every design from ring of steel , every design from Eternity, as well as a couple of custom made orders from reputable collar manufacturers.

I know this might sound strange coming from a divorced woman, but I actually don't believe in divorce. I believe that once you are married to someone, you have combined your life with that person. The only reason I am divorced is because well, ..he asked for one, ..and I don't have the option to not comply based on my own personal views. I am also grateful for my divorce because it lead me to an amazing man. However my next marriage, I assure you will be my last. So here is why I don't a collar as equivalent to a wedding ring.

 Dan and I are monogamous, we live in a house with other lifestyles. However, we do not engage in sexual activities with them.  We have been together since April of 2013. Not very long after we got together did we have a collar ordered (for my Birthday.) I believe in the symbolic representation of the collar. "You belong to me." Which can go to all sorts of variants of D/s, Some go so far as it being a reminder that they are consensual "property."  He did give me this collar, but this collar did not come with the promise of what a legal binding marriage would. There are no tax breaks, there is no legal recognition of us being a committed union. My last name will not change, These things do however come along with the promise behind a wedding ring. I am very grateful for the collar that I have now, and the relationship that the collar represents for me. However for me it does not in any shape take the form of a wedding ring or marriage. If a marriage between us happens..great. I really hope it does.  However, I also am sure I won't value what we have any less if it never does, but there will always be a distinct difference between the two for me.

I believe that a collar comes with it's own set of promises (when given to a submissive) that are completely different from the promises of a wedding ring. Both sides are making promises that coincide with their D/s beliefs or contracts. A relationship symbolized through a collar can end as well, as it did in my case with Rayne. There are some things that I did learn from Rayne that I grew from. Her work ethic is one of the things that drives me through school and work to this day. Her belief in me is what fueled me to get into school and start going after my dreams and know that I could achieve them if I worked hard enough. I think the reminder of that is why I decided to keep her collar.  If Dan and I ever break up (knock on wood.) I will probably keep his too to remind me of what I learned from him. To give your last to those who need it the most. To care about those who cannot care for themselves, That there should be no reason to give but the want to give. I feel that relationships in themselves are lessons. Even if it's a lesson of what your not looking for, as was the case with my ex-husband. I thought I was looking for financial stability as my family wanted, ...but I soon learned it was a very weak foundation to base a relationship on.

People should be able to use their collars for any meaning that they want. If you want to present your fiance` with a collar when you propose to her, you are more than welcome to do that. If I want to have several collars that I collect from all around the world or from different manufactures, then that is my right. If someone wants it just to symbolize that they are in a D/s relationship, more power to them. It's really one of the things I love so much about collars is how versatile they are. 

Collars. A quick Review!

Does my nose look big to you? 

    The collar I have from Ring Of Steel by Vadfarkas was originally given to me in 2012 from Rayne. It it what is known as a coffle collar with hinge ring and padlock option. It is a custom made original that Rayne asked Vadfarkas to design specifically for me. It cost approximately $250.00 There is a total of 7 gems in-bedded in it. 2 purple, 2 white, 2 green and one red in the back where the collar connects to a heart shaped pad lock. What I really like about this collar is the quality it was made. I have had it for about 3 years now and there is absolutely no blemished, no wear and tear. There isn't so much as a smudge on it and I can take a shower with it on without having to worry about it rusting. I also love the fact that it has the o-ring on it to be able to attack a leash. (Which I have of course done.) Even though I do not wear this collar, I have to say because of the quality and durability attached, it's my favorite collar. I will definitely be purchasing another one of Vad's products in the hopefully very near future.So it is a little bit more pricier..but in my opinion it is completely worth it if you want a collar that is going to last you for life!  For those who do not know what ring of steel is you can view their website here Ring of Steel

look at those boobs!! mmmm

      The collar that Dan got for me was given to me in 2013 for my 24th birthday and is the collar I currently wear. He purchased it from the website without the pendant. The one I have is called "original." They also have other options such as "gold plated" and "titanium." The collar without the pendant cost exactly $100.00 and at the time was shipping free if you made a purchase over $90.00. What I like about this collar set was the ability to add the pendant , though the pendant is an extra $55.00. However, the pendant can be inscribed. You can pick the font and what you want your pendant to say. Mine is inscribed in the font "Josephine" and the front says "Dan's" while the back says "sweetpea" The drawback to this collar is I would not recommend wearing it in the shower...the collar itself won't rust but the allan screw it comes with will. I am also having a bit of trouble with it as far as closing. I literally have to slam it shut every time I need to close it back around my neck. However, I could just be unlucky. All in all it's a pretty decent collar. You can check out their website at Eternity Collars.

I hate this photo.

Finally, the last collar I own comes from The Collar Factory who specialized in more of a leathery type of collar. Now for anyone who knows me they know I cannot stand leather collars. So don't let my hatred of leather sway your opinion! That being said this was the first collar given to me by Rayne before we had ever meet in person. So I guess it was kind of like.. a promise collar? It was $50.00. Now there are three things that I do like about this collar. 1.) It is absolutely affordable, if you think $50.00 is unreasonable you should really check out some of the custom collars made on etsy to gain some perspective of the going rates of quality collars. 2.) It is very easy to customize via their website. You can pick the type of buckle., What the collar says (Mine says Rayne) and the color of the threat lining. 3.) What I like most about it is it isn't leather on the inner side it is a nick pink plush that is very soft against my skin. The downside? Well it's leather for one..and I just have a weird hatred of leather. The ends do tend to somewhat tatter, and my dogs to destroy it in a heartbeat if I didn't keep it in a safe locked box. However I feel it is a good first collar, ...especially if you are on a budget. You can check their store out at The Collar Factory

Stay Awesome Folks! 

30 Days of Kink : Day 2

**List Your Kinks**

 Now I am not a particularly kinky girl. You won't find me first in line to get tied up, branded, or have my nipples clamped. It just doesn't do it it for me.
I do however have a few quirks here and there that I guess could be considered kinky.

I love love love collars. Especially when done right. Don't bring me home a petco Velcro collar and expect me to be impressed. I have dished out some serious dough on the likes of Ring of Steel and Eternity Collars. I love steel, I really really do not like the idea of leather collars.

I love leashes, I am a bit less picky about these however, and don't really spend as much time and effort exploring them as I would a collar.

Control. I enjoy..to a certain extent micro management. Pick out my clothes, tell me what I am going to be doing today, but don't confuse it with NEEDING to be micro managed, I am perfectly capable of being responsible all on my own.

Dominant men. Dominant Men are my fetish someone who can keep me from emasculating them but at the same time knows that being dominant, doesn't mean they have to be an asshole. Someone who understands they don't need fancy toys, or knot tying skills to be dominant. Someone who understands that dominance is a trait, not a title.