Etuquette and Other Stuff

Etiquette and Other Stuff
I've talked about things you don't really have to do as far as protocol goes. The fancy kneeling, the honorifics to dominants that aren't your dominant. The serves that take for fucking ever. Let's talk about some of the things that do fall under appropriate behavior when you are meeting a Dom or are under consideration by one.

1.) Be Normal. Don't go be spreading in Nadu in front of a new Dominant that you don't even know displaying your genitals and begging to serve them. Honestly, if that's how you seek a relationship, no wonder you're single. Don't tell them how you wanna serve them and sex them up or want your penis or vagina put into torture devices. Why don't you just try to introduce yourself, say hello talk to them get to know them. You can't just go pick a Dom or Domme out a line and expect it to just happen instantly.

2.) Keep your hands to yourself. I don't know any Dom/Domme who wants to be touched by any submissives they don't know or don't have any type of relationship with. There are plenty of Dominants I will hop into the laps of, but I have built that relationship with them. However, generally I wont touch a dominant I don't know.

3.)Be Respectful. Many people in the lifestyle have this confused terribly. Being respectful does not mean I have to call you Sir, or I have to call you Mistress or Master. I don't, I won't. That doesn't make me disrespectful. I say Hello, I acknowledge your presence. I refrain from calling you an asshole, or a cunt even if I think you are. Respect doesn't mean I have to fall to my knees begging to serve you. As long as I treat you the way I want to be treated, then I am respecting you.

4.) Don't Top from the bottom. There is so many ways to do this that I could write a dissertation in it. The one that stand out to me the most though is when subs try to underhandedly try to gets tops to dominant them. It's like they feel the need to remind the dominants that they are dominants, and they try to do this very subtly, or by what they think is very subtly like asking a Dom if they need something every 30 fucking minutes. Maybe you should use that time where they don't need you to write, do art, read a book, or improve your skills. I don't know any Dom's who want to micro manage their slaves , or want you up their ass 24/7. Everyone needs their space.

b.) I guess the other side of topping from the bottom who stand out is submissives who display bad behavior for the sheer fact of wanting punishment or wanting attention. Constantly annoying their owner just to get a reaction out of their owner. I really think the best way to deal with this kind of behavior is to ignore it. Kennels are amazing things. I digress. Really if your role in the lifestyle is to be a submissive, why would you do anything to intentionally piss of your owner? I don't have anything against brats, but being a brat and topping from the bottom are two different things.

5.) Have some fucking personality. There's nothing worse then talking to a slave that has no opinions. What do you want to watch? "Whatever you want Master" Do you agree? "Yes, Master anything you say" Knowing damn well you don't. Being a slave doesn't mean you don't have your own thoughts and opinions. Some of the most talented slaves and sought after slaves Ive seen are opinionated, spitfires with loads of personality and thoughts.

6.)DoorMats , I know there are a lot of people proud to be doormats. Well I'm not a door mat, if you want one there is plenty of other doormats out there. You Cannot do what ever you want to me. I DO have limits. Yes I can agree to limits being pushed, but that comes at a time when you and I have built a trust level where that's possible, Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Don't mistake me for one of these playschool submissives that "If you were a real sub you'd do it" grade school manipulation won't work on me. I don't like doormats, and I never want to be one. I am not your yes man.

7.) You don't have to be a slut to be a slave or a sub. I can't tell you how many slaves I hear say. "If my Master wanted me to sleep with a roomful of guys I don't know, I would." Are you fucking serious? You are gonna risk your physical and mental health for a Dom who obviously doesn't give a damn about you if he is willing to do it to you. He's not your Dom honey, He's your pimp. Don't delude yourself into thinking otherwise.

8.) Learn some independence. There is nothing sexy about a submissive who is entirely dependent on her Dominant , can't think for herself, and is willing to stay ignorant. Google is your friend. Learn something. I don't care if you learn how to crotchet, learn how to balance a check book, or learn about the Israeli/Palestine war. Just learn something. Make it a daily thing to learn one new thing every day.

Ok this is starting to get out of hand, so I am going to end it here. I might pick back up on it later at a different time and elaborate on it a little more. Stay Thirsty my friends.

Collars. A quick Review!

Does my nose look big to you? 

    The collar I have from Ring Of Steel by Vadfarkas was originally given to me in 2012 from Rayne. It it what is known as a coffle collar with hinge ring and padlock option. It is a custom made original that Rayne asked Vadfarkas to design specifically for me. It cost approximately $250.00 There is a total of 7 gems in-bedded in it. 2 purple, 2 white, 2 green and one red in the back where the collar connects to a heart shaped pad lock. What I really like about this collar is the quality it was made. I have had it for about 3 years now and there is absolutely no blemished, no wear and tear. There isn't so much as a smudge on it and I can take a shower with it on without having to worry about it rusting. I also love the fact that it has the o-ring on it to be able to attack a leash. (Which I have of course done.) Even though I do not wear this collar, I have to say because of the quality and durability attached, it's my favorite collar. I will definitely be purchasing another one of Vad's products in the hopefully very near future.So it is a little bit more pricier..but in my opinion it is completely worth it if you want a collar that is going to last you for life!  For those who do not know what ring of steel is you can view their website here Ring of Steel

look at those boobs!! mmmm

      The collar that Dan got for me was given to me in 2013 for my 24th birthday and is the collar I currently wear. He purchased it from the website without the pendant. The one I have is called "original." They also have other options such as "gold plated" and "titanium." The collar without the pendant cost exactly $100.00 and at the time was shipping free if you made a purchase over $90.00. What I like about this collar set was the ability to add the pendant , though the pendant is an extra $55.00. However, the pendant can be inscribed. You can pick the font and what you want your pendant to say. Mine is inscribed in the font "Josephine" and the front says "Dan's" while the back says "sweetpea" The drawback to this collar is I would not recommend wearing it in the shower...the collar itself won't rust but the allan screw it comes with will. I am also having a bit of trouble with it as far as closing. I literally have to slam it shut every time I need to close it back around my neck. However, I could just be unlucky. All in all it's a pretty decent collar. You can check out their website at Eternity Collars.

I hate this photo.

Finally, the last collar I own comes from The Collar Factory who specialized in more of a leathery type of collar. Now for anyone who knows me they know I cannot stand leather collars. So don't let my hatred of leather sway your opinion! That being said this was the first collar given to me by Rayne before we had ever meet in person. So I guess it was kind of like.. a promise collar? It was $50.00. Now there are three things that I do like about this collar. 1.) It is absolutely affordable, if you think $50.00 is unreasonable you should really check out some of the custom collars made on etsy to gain some perspective of the going rates of quality collars. 2.) It is very easy to customize via their website. You can pick the type of buckle., What the collar says (Mine says Rayne) and the color of the threat lining. 3.) What I like most about it is it isn't leather on the inner side it is a nick pink plush that is very soft against my skin. The downside? Well it's leather for one..and I just have a weird hatred of leather. The ends do tend to somewhat tatter, and my dogs to destroy it in a heartbeat if I didn't keep it in a safe locked box. However I feel it is a good first collar, ...especially if you are on a budget. You can check their store out at The Collar Factory

Stay Awesome Folks! 

Dominance and Submissiveness Are Traits!!! (A Rant)

      Okay before I begin Let's all commend my little brother on his blog post, and his wonderful way to lead by example of the standards that submissive males should hold themselves too if they want to become less of a stigma. Prove them wrong! Great writing tarken!

     Now then, I want you guys to get your pen's and pencils ready because I am going to be dropping some knowledge bombs on your ass! I was scrolling through my feed and saw a posting in the wonderful group "Return to Sender" Which is a great group , if you haven't seen it feel free to check it out in all of it's glory. Now, in this post a man was ranting at a woman who had politely told him that she was not interested in hooking up with him. The guy proceeded to berate her as not being a "true" submissive and if she was not interested in casual encounters and hook ups why was she on Fetlife to begin with? Please stand by while I continuously face palm for a moment.

Alright, let's first tackle the statement that this woman was not a "real submissive." I absolutely hate the notion that a woman/man has to be completely docile, "Yes Sir/ No Sir" , and bow down and kneel all the time, and kowtow to every dominant they come across. This is absolute bull crap. The whole notion of "the true submissive." is absolute bull crap. You know what a true submissive is? Anyone who is submissive.  I know, I know...let that sink in for a moment. Contrary to popular belief neither submissive nor dominance is a title, it is not a sex position, it is not an act of sex. It's a trait. Don't believe me? Let me get Webster on this shit!
Being dominant or submissive is not exclusive to the BDSM lifestyle! You can be submissive and never take a paddling, never call a dominant Sir, and never do a pretty elegant serve. Just like you can be dominant and never spank a submissive, never attend a much, and never wear leather pants with the ass cheeks cut out. (God forbid!)

 What people seem to fail to realize is that dominance and submission comes from pact mentality. Not from sex itself, not from the lifestyle.
That being said, do not think that I am not aware that dominance and submission can be sexualized. That my friends is after all where the sex comes into play. Being submissive, I am going to be more attracted to the man who can protect and provide for me that for the one who can't. Even I as a submissive actively seek out other traits in my dominant that I find to be inherently dominant. Ergo, I am going to want to squirt my submissive juices all over that. It's something more ingrained in nature than anything. Same goes for dominance. Also, I know there are classes where you can train to become dominant or submissive. Let me explain something else to you. You cannot learn to become dominant if you aren't dominant. You cannot learn to become submissive if you are not submissive. These are traits!!! Not sex roles. It really can't be stresses enough. What they are teaching you is what is considered lifestyle etiquette for those who identify as Dominants or submissive. Becoming dominant and submissive is a purely biological and nurturing factor. Some of it is based on genetics , but most of it is based on how you are raised and your experiences that effect you growing up. Yeah , get your mop and soak that up!

  Now onto the second part that bothered me, and I promise I will keep it short. "Why come to Fetlife when you don't want to hook up and have casual encounters?" Wow! Fucking really?! Being one of those people who comes to fetlife who has no desire in the least to find " play partners" let me go ahead and bow my head in silence for the stupidity that has been displayed here. I come to fetlife to meet like minded people. I am sure everyone here knows just how hard it is to have to hide that part of yourself from friends/family members/ co-workers. I am so glad that this site exist because I get to read and experience other people's opinions about the lifestyle. I get to share my thoughts and ideas and find out what people like, and dislike, I also get to perv beautiful pictures, and some not so great pictures that make you wanna run away screaming for your mommy. News flash ; shock factor is huge.  I want to be able to have friends I can talk with about dealing with my partner who are not going to judge me and say "call the police on him!" because he spanks me. That's why I am here, and is that after all not the American dream? I kid I kid.  So I am going to end my rant here, because even though I can go on and on and write a dissertation on this ... I think I made my point. Stay classy lifestylers. 

What I Want In A Dominant

I suppose before I start this blog post, an introduction is in order. I'm pea's younger brother, not a brother by blood, but close enough. Like her, I am a submissive. Like her, I am a college student. Unlike her, I have a penis. This complicates D/s related matters, as submissive men have a (deserved) negative reputation in the minds of most people. I'm no good at picking writing topics, so I asked pea for one, and here we are at what I would want in a dominant partner. This'll be a treat.

I've often thought of this topic, but never really thought how to best put it to words, so I suppose I'll just have to run down my criteria as they come to mind. I guess this will reflect how important they are to me. Let's start with a fairly simple thing, gender. I am sexually attracted to women more than men. This isn't to say this is a set-in-stone fact, but after thinking about it a bit, I came to the conclusion that I would more likely be more interested in a relationship with a woman.

From an easy topic to a more complex one, one that I will bluntly put for the sake of brevity. I will not submit to anyone less intelligent than myself. This likely comes off as arrogant, because it probably is, but it's the reality of the situation. When I told pea of this, she replied with a statement along the lines of "you'll be alone for the rest of your life", which is wonderful moral support. However, I'm not as smart as she thinks I am, nor am I as smart as I think I am.

What's more, I don't mean "intelligent" in the book-smart sense; quite frankly, I don't care if a partner knows what a quadratic equation is, much less how to solve it. I refer to the word in a more holistic sense. Perhaps the correct word to use would be is wisdom. It is, after all, a complex feeling I have on this matter. I just know that I probably would not submit to someone who doesn't fulfill this Daedalean need that I have in order to submit.

This segues in a way that doesn't segue into the topic of age. This was something else I put a great deal of thought into, and the result was surprisingly narrow minded by me. After thinking on it, I'd much rather be in a relationship with someone around about the same age as myself (23), give or take a few years. I thought this to be somewhat vein, and it is; age should make no difference. But it does. Not in any sexual sense at least, but in terms of relating to a person, I'd much sooner make an emotional connection with someone who grew up with the same things as myself, in the same cultural age as myself.

Does this mean it is impossible for me to ever get into a relationship with someone my elder by a decade or more? Not at all. But I suspect that I would find it easier the closer the person's age is to my own.

Now comes the physical part, in that while pea cares more of matters sensual and psychological, I care more about the physical aspect (which isn't to say that I don't care about other things; just that I also care about bondage and fetishes and stuff.). To be blunt once more, I am horribly perverted person. This would likely be a fairly major sticking point to someone who isn't much into physical stuff as I am, and would likely tank a relationship with such a person.


As for other physical stuff, I have thought about it, and I've discovered that I'm not as nit-picky as I thought I was. At the end of the day, while I do have certain racial preferences, a person I am attracted to (mentally or physically; ideally both) is a person I am attracted to, be they Asian, Caucasian, Latino/a, or Black. In terms of other physical attributes, I've found that I'm not picky. This isn't to say that I do not have things that I find sexy, in either gender, but that's another blog topic for another day.

Oh, that said, I like taller people or shorter people. Not so much people around my average height. It's one of those things that I'm just weird about.

I think that should be enough for a first blog post, so I'll just leave it here for now. Thanks for taking the time to let me exhibit my vain thoughts.

30 Days of Kink : Day 1

 I am re-doing my 30 days of kink for 3 reasons. 1) I deleted all my 30 days of kink when I deleted my Journals off Fetlife. 2.) I am not the same person I was when I wrote them three years ago, I am older wiser and much more in tune with myself. 3) I think some reevaluation in the lifestyle if needed, at least for my own peace of mind.

I will also be dedication this challenge to Lady_Savannah who originally wanted me to do this challenge three years ago and who has since unfortunately passed away. May she rest in peace. So without further adieu....

30 Days of Kink:

• Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

I identify as submissive. I have been called both slave and submissive. However I don't really feel the term slave accurately identifies me. It's not that I feel any less devoted in my submission I just genuinely do not like the term

   For me I am most interested in D/s purely domination and submission. I like having a top be in charge, I like a top taking accountability for me, and making me take accountability for myself it just works that way. I enjoy control and discipline. If a guy can pick my outfits out for me...awesome sauce. If he is able to give me rules and guidelines without making me giggle snort my ass off even better.

     What I have discovered is the most difficult thing for me is finding a top who can be dominant without being an asshole. I know..it seems like a fine line people. I'm not into humiliation if you like being called "slut cunt whore cum bucket princess" more power to you, it's just not my thing. I don't like being tied up...I tried it once a long time ago, ...gag and all.. it was more awkward than anything... but I might like to have my ass smacked a few times.  Shhh don't tell anyone though.