Trust Where It Matters

     Dan and I have been together for almost two years now. We have been living together for all of this, because Dan was actually my friend, and one of my tenants before hand. (I know how unprofessional of me.)  In those two years we have had a pretty good relationship. Of course there have been road bumps. We have gone through the suicide of our friend together, the murder of my sister together, and my divorce.  The fact that we are still together is amazing but a real testament to how much we care for each other.  Unlike many of our counter parts, Dan and I are not married. I have been married and it ended rather harshly and took a toll on me that ended in panic attacks and an anxiety disorder. So now I am a little more cautious of the marriage factor. Don't get me wrong, I want to get married to Dan. Just...not right now.

      Since I was young I always resigned that trust meant that someone was not going to hurt me.  Trust meant that I didn't cheat on someone. Trust meant that I knew they weren't going to abusive to me. Therefore I thought I was well within saying that I trust Dan. However it wasn't until our recent decision to make a bigger move together that I am questioning that trust for him. He wants to buy a house and take out a loan so that we can mortgage it. By which I mean he wants to take out a loan..so he can mortgage it.  Why would that be a problem you might ask? Well, a couple of reasons.

     "You don't have to pay anything if you don't want too." I have heard this before. I have done this before. Most specifically in my last marriage, I was a house wife. One of the things I've learned is this means I can be left high and dry at any time. You have no claims to anything. This doubles when someone is not married.  One day I could be warm in my bed with Dan and the next I can be in the middle of the street and there's nothing I can do about it. Surely there's a simple answer. Just help him pay for it pea! Well folks that leads us into problem number two.

   I had every intention of helping him pay for it. I was after all the one who helped to get Dan on his feet, and helped him out for a long time, and on occasion still do. Here's the thing, and take note this is a hard learned lesson. Just because you help someone pay into something doesn't mean you have any claims to it. We are not talking about something like a radio or a computer, we are talking about a house. A means of living.  Helping him pay for it can still have me in the former situation if my name is not on the deed and the mortgage.

  I was visibly upset about it yesterday. It just seemed like such a huge leap to be making. Such a decision that I was not ready for. Dan pulled me aside to talk to me. He said that he was doing this for us, he was looking for a house with a fire place like I wanted, somewhere out in the country so we could have a bit more privacy. He asked me if I trusted him.  I  hesitated. I have trusted so many before Dan and have been left utterly disappointed. He asked me if he had ever acted like any of those people.  No...he hasn't. but still.

  I am having a hard time with this, I am having a bit of anxiety about it. I want to be able to trust him, trust that he wouldn't hurt me, trust that he will love me years from now. Trust that he wants to eventually marry me, trust that he sees a future for us together, but I do not know what goes on his mind. I am not a mind reader. Maybe it's my insecurities, but after every thing I have been through...that blind trust seems rather foolish. 

Religion and Relationships

     So Dan and I are very different people. We enjoy different types of music, he enjoys country, while I am under impression it mostly sounds like cat's wailing. We enjoy different types of video games. While I mostly seem him playing games like Pokemon, Zelda, and Skylanders. You can more than likely find me with an Elder Scrolls or Guild Wars 2 or Final Fantasy. He likes the cold, I prefer the hot. We are pretty much polar opposites and even in our religious beliefs we are no different.  Dan is a devout Catholic, I have not known him all of his life, but according to close personal friends he was even an alter boy in his youth. (Poor Dan) I happen to be Agnostic.  I never hid this fact from him, in fact I was rather upfront about it. So how do you have a successful relationship with someone who thinks you're going to burn in hell? Well, it's rather simple really.

   I asked Dan probably back in the Summer time if he thought I was going to go to hell because I did not believe in his religion, to which he responded No, he didn't believe that any one who was helping others, and living productive helpful lives were going to hell just because they didn't believe but he did acknowledge that many Christians do believe that. We have discussions about religion and beliefs about religion. Mostly its because I am genuinely curious about his beliefs and religion. I am never condensing about it, I don't consider Dan to be any less intelligent than me. (at least not because of his beliefs. haha J/k) I respect his religion and his right to practice it, even if I don't understand it.

    Another thing that we do together is participate in intelligent debate with one another.  I mean actual debating, where points and evidence is brought up, not mudslinging where you hear obscenities and foul language . An example of this was actually an debate that took place a couple of nights ago in our bed. Dan was talking about Islamic insurgent groups like the Taliban, ISIS, and Al`Queda. He mentioned that you do not see  many Muslims standing up against them, or denouncing them.  Now don't think I am a terrorist sympathizer I stand for people, and person regardless of race or creed. I tried to explain to him that these organizations have murdered the children of these people who are over there, they have kept them from proper education. There are plenty of people in Afghanistan who do not even know what 9/11 is.  He went on to talk about the mosque that was suppose to be build in 2010 a few blocks away from the site of the World Trade Center.  To which I explained to him that if they owned the land, were American citizens and were paying for the construction then they had just as much right to build their mosque, as someone who was building a synagogue or a church. Those freedoms and liberties belong to all of our citizens, this is the same reason that the KKK and Westboro is allowed to hold demonstrations.  Although I did admit the building of the mosque  was in bad taste.

 Other than that we have a mutual respect of each others beliefs. There is no proselytizing trying to take place. I don't do anything to persuade him towards my beliefs nor vice versa. There's also acceptance of our different beliefs. I know there are plenty of Christians who would not date someone who did not believe what they believed. Same with Agnostics and Atheist, but Dan and I have a wonderful relationship. I think it has a lot to do with all our differences that makes us work so well. We both have different views and ways of looking at things to bring to the table. 

Overcoming Body Issues.

     I did a photo shoot with Puddintaine423 last week. One of the things we did after the shoot was view some of the images he captured, and some of the art we had created together. Do not think this piece to be a jab at any of his work. I completely endorse him, and he is a wonderful photographer and is wonderful to work with. That being said, after about twenty times of me picking at little things about the pictures that I didn't like he told me I was being too cynical of myself. Indeed, everything I had said had to do with something on my body.  My teeth weren't good enough, My eyebrows were too messy, my arms were flabby, I had back fat, my breast weren't high enough.  I can hear the simultaneous eye rolling now. "Sweetpea, I would kill for your looks." Well darlings, thanks for your kind words but until someone can see the beauty within themselves, other's opinions aren't really going to change their views.

    I like a lot of women experience this, When you watch television, or see advertisements, or anything that is mass media related, you will notice that the person is at least mildly attractive. High cheek bones, perfectly symmetrical face, perfect teeth. Make up products are pushed on us in just about every series of commercials in our daily lives. Even if you don't watch TV, you are bombarded with adverts on Billboards or cellphones of muscular men, thin women.  We are taught that boobs that aren't perky are "saggy" which has a negative connotation. Everything right down to the porn that we watch has a standard of beauty. Plastic surgery is a 10 Billion dollar industry.  I have had people tell me I should be a model. Well modeling is not something I really want to do.  I know that many photographers, especially professional are not going to be as kind as the ones I get to work with. I know that my image would be distorted to fit into the "main stream" of beauty.

 So how do we work on these body issues that seem to plague us? Do we blame the media and protest Vogue and Covergirl? One of the things that I hope to accomplish in 2015 is to start working out, and getting on a regular routine. It was just three years ago when I was able to fit into a size five, why can't I do that again? I want to be able to every morning at least take a job around my neighborhood, or spend an hour at my school's work out room.  I think self affirmation would also be very helpful. It sounds crazy, but one of the things I have learned in my life, is that you are more likely to have things go your way if you reassure yourself that this is the way it will be. Too many girls in the morning are in the mirror being mean to themselves. "My hips are too big, I have too many acne scars, I'm too big." Instead what we need is more of us focusing on our positive features. "Wow, I have really beautiful eyes.  I have a natural arch, I love my cheek bones."

  So I don't go this often but I do have a challenge for everyone on my friends list or who cares to read this note. I want you guys to look in the mirror and not focus on anything that you don't like, but to choose three physical things about yourself that you really like.  For me 1.) I love my eyes, they remind me of the patterns on my snakes. 2.) I am actually really fond of the beauty marks on my face, I am not sure if they are freckles or not, but I have several of them.  3.) I love my eyelid's for no other reason that because of the way they are I can do really cool things with eye shadows.

Bad Date

              So I have actually never had a date that really just sucked...until tonight. The funny thing is it didn't even suck in a bad way it was just a series of sucky events. I woke up late today. We work the third shift so sleeping is in the morning is kind of our thing, however today I didn't wake up until 4:00pm, When I finally did get up Dan keep asking me where I wanted to go. I explained to him that I had been asking to go to the zoo in Chattanooga for quite sometime now. Unfortunately for me, ..a big thunderstorm was coming through that part of town. So anything we did tonight would have to be an inside affair. I finally suggested the Chattanooga Aquarium, which Dan promptly agreed to. I got a bath and got all nice and dressed in my red Marvel shirt and overalls.  When we got into the car..it wouldn't start. For some reason I am having trouble with it turning over.  So it took about an hour to get the car actually started.

   By that time it was way too late to go to the aquarium because Chattanooga is about thirty minutes out of town and since it was thunder storming we had to avoid the highway and take back roads. So we figured we would go to dinner and a movie. We drove around trying to pick out something new because well....we did go all the way out to Chattanooga. We ended up settling on this restaurant called Seoul which is a Vietnamese and Korean restaurant. I am telling you now, ..it..was ..awful. The food was way over priced. I ended up paying like $13 for a cold bowl of salad because the menu didn't explain what anything was. The food didn't taste good, and the service was absolutely terrible. I should have known better by the face the place was completely dead when we went there. It was just an all around terrible experience. The atmosphere was great dim lighted with earth tones but it didn't make up for the terrible food.

 After we left the restaurant, with me still starving. We actually decided to head home. There was only movie that I wanted to see which was The giver, and Dan had absolutely no interest in seeing it. Nothing else was really playing. The thunderstorms had also rolled back through and lightening was flashing every couple of seconds so we decided to go in for an early night. So tonight was a total bust as far as it being a great date night. However, that being said I still had a good time rolling around with Dan even if our plans got messed up. If I am going to have a bad date...I am glad I had it with Dan. 

What It's Like to Fall from Grace

       You know that feeling you get deep down in your stomach, when the look in his eyes lets you know that you have stepped out of line? That stomach clinching feeling when you immediately regret the words that just came out of your mouth because they were filled with venom? I have recently been there, just a couple of days ago in fact when I got into a heated argument with Dan.  I cussed, and yelled, and screamed and through an absolute tantrum, accused him of doing things he probably wasn't doing, and even if he was there was probably no intentional malice behind it. I just am not able to handle my emotions very well. If I perceive any thoughts of abandonment, I immediately lash out. Well, a new girl has come into our lives. I guess new for me, not new for Dan. I realized the first time when Dan had her over that he had an attraction to her, and I was perfectly okay with this...until a few days later when I realized she was making him smile, ...where I wasn't. She was relieving his stress, ..where I wasn't. He was spending more time with her, than he seemed to be with me, even though it was in an effort to help the girl. That green eyed monster I try so hard to keep bottled in immediately released itself from its cage and took over. Instead of explaining to him why I was upset, ...I lashed out. "You're always doing this! You're always doing that!" It got ugly, and fast.

    After the initial argument, I left to tell my teacher I wouldn't be attending class that day, and to turn in my home work. I then went to Walmart to send my brother some money. When I returned home I went into my room and laid on my bed, and pouted, and cried, and threw my own internal tantrum. After about three hours of Dan letting me fume in the bedroom, he finally came in and tried to talk to me.  He explained to me the things I brought up weren't really valid, that he wasn't attempting to do anything malicious towards me, and how he thought I had gotten over this hatred of him leaving me just to go out and do things that he needed to get done. None of it really mattered though, since none of this is why I was actually upset. He then left me alone to finish homework and stew in my depressed stupor. The next few days however if when the real hell began..

    Every time he talked to me, If I was lucky enough to have him talk to me..there was a hiss in his voice that I assure you stung more than any lash every could. For the most part he left me alone to carry out my day, I went to photo shoots, I went to school, I went grocery shopping by myself. When he hugged me to leave for these things..the warmth just didn't feel like it was there anymore. He continued to see the girl, and continued to help her, but I suppose the jealousy monster was more content to stay inside me and sulk this time. He didn't go out of his way to give me any attention this week. He would hold me when we slept but he wouldn't really speak to me. No matter what I did, I couldn't really make him smile. I couldn't really make him want to be around me. The weird part is, I was perfectly understandable of this. Who wants to be around someone who is difficult like that? Who wants to be around someone who flips out at every little imagined scenario of abandonment.

 We haven't talked about the argument since the time after it happened, and maybe that's a mistake. I just don't really know how to put into words how I feel. I am sure that his indifference to me is probably imagined. Mostly, I have spent the past couple of days trying to find a way to draw him to pay some attention to me, ..go to the gym?  Cut my hair and change the color? ... Dress super pretty and primpy? Detail clean the house? Cook him dinner?  I wish I knew how to tell him... "I just want to feel like you love me. I want to be the center of your world like you are mine."  Is that terribly unreasonable? I am sure he does love me. Several people over the past few days have told me that, ...I guess they can tell I am in a bad head space right now. I guess they can tell it has to do with Dan.

 I am sure we will be fine. Right now I am just in a bad place, ....and perhaps it is well deserved for allowing my emotions to cloud my better judgement. Perhaps it is my own minds perpetual self punishment. I just wish it would end, and we can get back to how we felt just mere days ago.  I don't want to be the reason he regrets coming home in the evening, I don't want to be the reason he spends extra time at work. I want to be the one to make him smile, I want to be the one that makes his life just a little less stressful, I want to be the one that makes his home life warm.

Worth

Very short post, as I just want to word-ify some thoughts I have.

Sometimes the easy way out is the best solution. Sometimes giving into your carnal instincts is the right choice. Sometimes action is better than caution.

Sometimes is not always.

As a submissive man, there is a lot of...scum in my peers, which breeds scum in the dominant side of this community. I have no real experience with male doms of male subs, so I can't really speak to that, so I'll speak only to the female side of the equation.

I want to get this out of the way right now, I have no qualms against "pro dommes", those who make the sexual side of S/m a profession. That is fine, that is free-market capitalism; providing a desired service for payment in a generally regulated environment.

No, the ire I have is mostly directed at "pay-dommes", modestly-to-very attractive women who say you have a small penis then demand large sums of money to continue to call your penis small. Those who think verbal abuse is domination and the fools that think that humiliation is submission.

(on the pro domme thing again, there are plenty of people who pay for that kind of stupid humiliation stuff; if it gets them off, it gets them off, but they're at least doing it in a regulated, business-like manner, and paying a reasonable amount of money rather than "lol gimmie ur paycheck, loser")

Now is the time where I admit I have impulses, most days if not every day. This is the said easy way out. To just find some college student with the foresight to use the vulnerability of others to their advantage and live with the abuse. Or worse yet, fall in with some foolish Cybellean, or other gender/race supremacist and live a lie of having an inferiority complex.

I fight those impulses, for I know my life is worth more than that. That I am more than that. I must fight those impulses, because this life isn't worth wasting. I will fight these impulses, because the alternative is surrender.

I am not worthless, despite what I might say. My life is not worthless, despite what I might think. No life is worthless, despite what I might believe. For this reason, I must fight, as there is few things worth fighting for more than myself.

The Alpha Submissive.

   Alright, I may have confused some people a little with the last post. Pea how can you be both dominant and submissive? Well my beautiful sugarnuts, take a seat and I will give you guys the whole damn run down. I am what you would call an Alpha submissive. I pretty much do what the fuck I want, within reason. Think of the animal kingdom and a lion pride. Think of say predator and prey. My submission is more instinctual than anything. Some people to me are prey, and some people to me are predators. That is to say, some are submissive and some are dominant, and I am somewhere in the middle of all of this. Don't get me wrong I see some people as my equals but not very many. Take for example my wife lele, I love her , I care for her, we are both submissive, but to me...we aren't really equals, I think this may be because you exerts more of a submissive nature than I do.
Alpha lionesses in female prides however are still submissive to the male in the pride, ...while she's keeping those other bitches in check.

  I also don't give submission freely. I have a hard time with this more than anything else. When I have established whether or not I want someone as a Dominant, I might skip a toe out of line just ever so slightly to see where my boundaries are, if the dominant is going to remain consistent, ..the only time I don't really do this is when the dominant exudes enough dominance off of them selves that I don't really have any question about it, for example...that's the kind of relationship I had with Rayne, I didn't really need to test waters to see where we stood. However if I am not sure, I will even push for dominance to be exerted so that it is clear, I might do this by something simple, like wrestling, or stepping a toe or two out of line. For example,... I was sooo sleepy today, I had left at 6:30 this morning to go to Knoxville with no sleep the night prior, had to be in Knoxville for a couple of hours, and didn't make it back to the house until noon, ..I passed out, well Dan wanted to show me something in the backyard, and woke me up at 3...so I only got three hours of sleep. His method of waking me up today was to shake me. My response was to bite him. Apparently I bit him harder than I meant to because he smacked the shit out of my thigh. It actually kind of surprised me, so I am not really sure if he meant to do it on purpose or if it was a quick reaction caused by the pain...either way, apparently biting is off limits and it's kinda obvious where he stands on it.

  I am not really sure why I feel the need to make Dominants "work" or "earn" my submission. I guess I just really feel like I should know in advance if you are not going to be able to handle me, or not going to be able to live up to your dominantly duties. I guess I also kind of feel like in order for you to command me, you have to be able to strip me from power. This usually isn't just a one time thing either... you have to remember I deal with a lot of bullshit on a regular basis, which puts me in the position to have to be big bad mama bear, so by the time Dan gets home I am usually riled up and not in a submissive frame of mind. Sometimes I need a reminder of when its time to settle down. Dan and I actually did play this game in the form of a little wrestling match. ...He threw me around like a rag doll for about an hour. Dan does Muy Tai , Brazilian Jujitsu, and Karate...and I do ..".trynottolethimbreakyourfuckingarmitsu"

  "Pea but you've said several times you're a natural submissive, why would anyone need to struggle with you for you to submit." I am a natural submissive. Submission is actually my natural state, However I got other issues going on over here sometimes where I can't really be submissive dealing with tenants and crazy people. I also enjoy the thrill of someone claiming Dominance, and them exerting it. I am also loud mouthed, opinionated, and over all bitchy, yet still submissive. What makes me a natural submissive isn't the fact that I will kneel down to every dickhead on the planet, it's because I have the natural desire to submit. I want to be obedient, and subservient, I just dont want to be that way with everyone.

  Now here's the part that might be confusing some people. "Pea didn't you use to be super meek and ultra submissive beyond reason?" Yes I did, but that wasn't really my own doing, that came from years of growing up in a family where males ran the family, and demanded submission from the females, and walking on egg shells of my overly temperamental husband. That wasn't submission...that was tyranny. To me submission is really of your own accord, ...if I am taunting you to give you the go ahead to assert your dominance..that I have in truth already submitted. We're just dancing tango at this point. So yes for a really long time, I was fairly meek and quiet, and obedient, but guess what, that's actually the part of my submission that doesn't comes naturally. It was like second nature for a while, but it wasn't natural. Personally I prefer how I am now. I am authoritative, and able to speak in person now, what I have always been able to say in print, it just came with a bit of practice, and the realization no one can any long smack me upside my head anymore if I don't seem overly...preyish.

  Now you may be thinking "Well pea, if you are both authoritative, and submissive wouldn't that make you a switch?" Absolutely not, I do not seek out people to dominate, I am seeking out people who can dominate me, if you can't I generally tend to loose interest...as shallow as that sounds. It's actually really quite instinctual if you think about it, animals in the animal kingdom do it all the damn time. I also have no desire to exert my non existent dominance over anyone either. More than likely I won't see you as an equal if you are submissive either... that's a little harsh, but it's also honest. I mean I wont beat you and treat you poorly and we will probably will be really good friends and I will care for you, but I probably won't ever see you as an equal. There are some exceptions to this, ...I think it might be other Alpha females. For example I see lele (wife) as a submissive, but I see angelic(wife) as an equal. The only reason I can imagine for the difference is angelic may be an Alpha submissive as well. Either way that's my intellectual take on it, its not like I have a degree in psychology so don't quote me verbatim. Stay Classy Bitches.

Being a Brat Vs. Playfulness

A while back , not to long ago, I wrote a piece on bratting, and even my own self admitted brattiness. However, after speaking to a few Dom's and Submissives on what a brat is to them, perhaps "brat" would not be the most accurate word for me. Trial and Error my dears. What I have heard from several accounts, most people consider brats to be , submissives that purposely try to annoy Dom's into giving them negative attention, or use their behavior to steer a Dom to their means. Topping from the bottom so to speak. Yeah, that's not really my thing. I can't imagine why I would honestly want a Dom upset with me.

I can honestly understand how people would mistake me to fall under the category of a brat. Each person has their own ideals on exactly what they think the lifestyle should be, as well as how every dynamic in the lifestyle should be. I may have not been in many relationships in my life, but I am aware that no two of them were alike. So, I don't know why people expect conformity in the lifestyle. I defiantly don't fit the bill on what most people think a submissive should be. I don't kneel. Why should I have to kneel to show reverence? I don't call every Tom ,Dick and Harry "Sir, or Master" What for? Submission isn't protocol , and it certainty isn't fancy honorifics. This irks people, and apparently comes off as "disrespectful" and to those people I say, get over yourself. Not calling you Master, or kowtowing to you doesn't make me any less of a submissive.

Now, I love playing with Doms, I think Tynian put it best last night. "You know where the line is, and you always stop before you cross it. That isn't being a brat, it's being smart." I absolutely love to play. You know in hindsight , it has never actually been a Dom I was playing with , who I offended. It was always either some bitchy Free woman, who had nothing to do with it, or another submissive. I honestly don't get women, why would you start shit with me just because a Dom is choosing to give me attention? You know what the best thing about being uncollared is? The attention. Now I know... some people are like "but pea, I thought attention seeking is bad and bratty?" Yes, and No. It can be depending on how you go about it. When I am being playful with a Dom, and notice that he doesn't approve of my antics... I stop immediately. I'm kinda sensitive at heart , so it's pretty easy to hurt my feelings. So I try to avoid that. A Brat, will accept any attention, including negative at whatever expense of the Dom. She will keep pushing and pushing until she gets her way. Whether she wants attention, whether she wants him to bend to his will. Whether she causes a scene just to get a punishment.

Another reason people like to throw me in the brat category or in the "wanna be subbie" line is because I am in no way shape or form, or in any sense of the word "Meek" I am known for standing up for myself, I am known for being a spitfire. If you are picking on me (which many Free women, and other submissives have) I will stop you out with a quickness, and put your snarky ass back in your place. People seem to be under the delusion , that just because I am submissive means I have to be submissive to everyone, or that I need to be malleable, and delicate. Comedy. It takes a mighty heart to be submissive, and I don't see anyone who is easily maneuvered or manipulated, or easily influenced, being successful in that role. I guarantee you that submissive would be subjected to all kinds of abuse before she found her way.

People in the Lifestyle seem to forget that world law, trumps lifestyle law any day. You can ask anyone who keeps my company, I am always respectful, as long as you come at me with respect, and realize that until I have made a conscious decision to submit to you... or at the very least show you reverence, that we are in fact equals. I will not do as you command, and I will not call you Master, I will not call you Sir. I will in fact, speak to you as a peer, but with mutual respect. That isn't to say that one has to be my Dom to earn that kind of acknowledgement from me, there are plenty in the lifestyle who I afford those same curtsies because they earned it.

Why is it that people expect slaves and subbies to be rigid in everything but bed? I have a news flash for you people , liking to have fun and play around does not automatically equal brattiness. You wanna to know the honest truth? I think I would gouge my eyes out from boredom , if all I ever did was kneel prettily, be all graceful, and and fetch water and food for a Dom. Kill me...now. My existence would be meaningless. I love to engage in conversation, I love to learn new things, I love adding to my arsenal of capabilities and interest. I can be quite beguiling, and I love to entertain, and by far the most I love to play. So the next person to call me a brat, really needs to evaluate , exactly what a brat is, and whether they are correct, or they are just being vindictive because I hurt their inflated ego, or don't submit to their protocols, because baby I wrote the Award winning dissertation on submission ;)

Etuquette and Other Stuff

Etiquette and Other Stuff
I've talked about things you don't really have to do as far as protocol goes. The fancy kneeling, the honorifics to dominants that aren't your dominant. The serves that take for fucking ever. Let's talk about some of the things that do fall under appropriate behavior when you are meeting a Dom or are under consideration by one.

1.) Be Normal. Don't go be spreading in Nadu in front of a new Dominant that you don't even know displaying your genitals and begging to serve them. Honestly, if that's how you seek a relationship, no wonder you're single. Don't tell them how you wanna serve them and sex them up or want your penis or vagina put into torture devices. Why don't you just try to introduce yourself, say hello talk to them get to know them. You can't just go pick a Dom or Domme out a line and expect it to just happen instantly.

2.) Keep your hands to yourself. I don't know any Dom/Domme who wants to be touched by any submissives they don't know or don't have any type of relationship with. There are plenty of Dominants I will hop into the laps of, but I have built that relationship with them. However, generally I wont touch a dominant I don't know.

3.)Be Respectful. Many people in the lifestyle have this confused terribly. Being respectful does not mean I have to call you Sir, or I have to call you Mistress or Master. I don't, I won't. That doesn't make me disrespectful. I say Hello, I acknowledge your presence. I refrain from calling you an asshole, or a cunt even if I think you are. Respect doesn't mean I have to fall to my knees begging to serve you. As long as I treat you the way I want to be treated, then I am respecting you.

4.) Don't Top from the bottom. There is so many ways to do this that I could write a dissertation in it. The one that stand out to me the most though is when subs try to underhandedly try to gets tops to dominant them. It's like they feel the need to remind the dominants that they are dominants, and they try to do this very subtly, or by what they think is very subtly like asking a Dom if they need something every 30 fucking minutes. Maybe you should use that time where they don't need you to write, do art, read a book, or improve your skills. I don't know any Dom's who want to micro manage their slaves , or want you up their ass 24/7. Everyone needs their space.

b.) I guess the other side of topping from the bottom who stand out is submissives who display bad behavior for the sheer fact of wanting punishment or wanting attention. Constantly annoying their owner just to get a reaction out of their owner. I really think the best way to deal with this kind of behavior is to ignore it. Kennels are amazing things. I digress. Really if your role in the lifestyle is to be a submissive, why would you do anything to intentionally piss of your owner? I don't have anything against brats, but being a brat and topping from the bottom are two different things.

5.) Have some fucking personality. There's nothing worse then talking to a slave that has no opinions. What do you want to watch? "Whatever you want Master" Do you agree? "Yes, Master anything you say" Knowing damn well you don't. Being a slave doesn't mean you don't have your own thoughts and opinions. Some of the most talented slaves and sought after slaves Ive seen are opinionated, spitfires with loads of personality and thoughts.

6.)DoorMats , I know there are a lot of people proud to be doormats. Well I'm not a door mat, if you want one there is plenty of other doormats out there. You Cannot do what ever you want to me. I DO have limits. Yes I can agree to limits being pushed, but that comes at a time when you and I have built a trust level where that's possible, Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Don't mistake me for one of these playschool submissives that "If you were a real sub you'd do it" grade school manipulation won't work on me. I don't like doormats, and I never want to be one. I am not your yes man.

7.) You don't have to be a slut to be a slave or a sub. I can't tell you how many slaves I hear say. "If my Master wanted me to sleep with a roomful of guys I don't know, I would." Are you fucking serious? You are gonna risk your physical and mental health for a Dom who obviously doesn't give a damn about you if he is willing to do it to you. He's not your Dom honey, He's your pimp. Don't delude yourself into thinking otherwise.

8.) Learn some independence. There is nothing sexy about a submissive who is entirely dependent on her Dominant , can't think for herself, and is willing to stay ignorant. Google is your friend. Learn something. I don't care if you learn how to crotchet, learn how to balance a check book, or learn about the Israeli/Palestine war. Just learn something. Make it a daily thing to learn one new thing every day.

Ok this is starting to get out of hand, so I am going to end it here. I might pick back up on it later at a different time and elaborate on it a little more. Stay Thirsty my friends.

"I own you, you belong to me."

      I have always considered myself to be an all around non-affectionate person...that is until a couple of nights ago. I realize that I am affectionate, I am just affectionate in other ways. I was laying down in the bed the other night waiting for Dan to join me and fighting with my phone a bit. When he finally does join me, he promptly takes the phone out of my hand and proceeds to tell me "No phone for you, it's bed time." I decide not to argue and let him place my phone anywhere he wishes. He than states quite clearly "I own you, you belong to me."

      Now for me personally, I have never been quite comfortable with the term "I love you." I really don't say it to anyone, save my children. I just find the whole phrase foreign and uncomfortable for me. However, when he said "I own you, you belong to me. I guess I sort of got an understanding of what "I love you." may mean to some people. It made me feel wanted, it made me feel like he knew I was a responsibility in myself and that for me, he was willing to take on that responsibility. It felt as if he was saying "I am going to protect you, and care for you."

    I have never really sat down and explained what I felt being owned meant. I find it to be a terribly cliche` writing, that has been dragged on and on by countless submissive and slaves. However, I don't think I really understood exactly what it meant to me personally until he uttered those words to me and I realized exactly what I wanted. Being owned by someone means they will protect me, they will care for me. It means they understand that they are accepting a responsibility to me to accept all that I come with, whether it be my children, my flaws or shortcomings.Much the same as I am accepting the responsibility to accept them for who they are.  Most of all it means that they will love me.

 I am not sure if Dan understands this is what he was saying to me when he uttered those words, but boy it sure feels wonderful. I guess how many people feel when someone tells them that they love them. I never thought that submission, and ownership could be so endearing. 

Awesome Munch Weekend

       This weekend was absolutely wonderful if you could not tell from the title. Dan had his first weekend off since March and we got to spend the majority of it together. First Saturday morning we went to go and browse around the mall where we had lunch at this new hot dog, hamburger, and pizza restaurant that had just opened up. It was actually pretty good but a bit expensive for my taste. Dan actually ordered the pizza hot dog, which is apparently a thing now. After we ate we we went and walked around the mall exploring the shops, got our pictures taken together in the photo booth. I attempted to drag Dan into a shoe store so we could look into getting him some new shoes since winter is so close, and I don't want his toes to fall off this year due to hypothermia. However, he didn't seem to find anything there comfortable. So we will have to revisit this situation. 

    After we were done at the mall, we went to another restaurant to attend a munch I had been dying to go to all frigging weekend, and you know what? It was better than I expected. We got to meet a bunch of new people who were in the lifestyle. I got to get Dan a little use to being around the people, and he actually looked like he was kind of enjoying himself. There was a party after the munch but I decided not to attend, because well I am still for the most part a private person when it comes to play. Besides I had to catch up on all of my homework and tutoring sessions. Maybe next time If I am feeling brave and Dan is game.  Of course Dan being the wonderful guy he is kept one of the attenders out in the parking lot past dark boring him to death with politics and gun laws. I entertained myself by talking to a few of my close friends and walking around Dan and the guy he was talking to saying things like "It's okay, ...you can walk away. Nobody would blame you." The guy was clearly subbie because he left Dan talk his ear off for hours. Afterwards I am pretty sure we went home and Dan spent a good amount of time playing Skylanders while I did homework and flittered around Fetlife until bedtime. 

     Sunday we slept in, I spend the rest of the morning doing a little bit of homework and playing catch up and as always...flittering around Fetlife. Around 2pm I hoped in the shower and got all smexy and put on my make up so that we could attend the birthday party of Scary Spices son. We went over there, sung happy birthday to him, ate cake, and watched him open all of the birthday presents. He seemed to be happy and enjoy it. I spend most of my time listening to Disney on my phone and getting beat up by Dan. I did get to see a couple of my friends I hadn't seen for a while, which is always nice.  After the birthday party, Dan and I walked around Walmart for a little bit and got him this awesome Captain America hoodie. The cool thing about it is the hood part doubles over as a mask and zips up it is pretty frigging awesome. We looked at the guns, and of course the electronics, and finally I ended up picking out two coloring books for myself. One was hello kitty and the other one was Disney Princesses. ( I got that one solely for Jasmine.) 

      Finally the night ended with Dan asking me if we wanted to invite one of our couple friends out with us to have dinner at Applebees. Which is great because they came! Dan and I ended up ordering the 2 for 20 with the appetizer, and they ended up getting the appetizer sampler. (Which is actually pretty huge try it!) and we had an awesome hostess who Dan kept exchanging drunken stories with, and I kept sneaking her twizzlers. We took pictures, had beers, and I even got to try this awesome new dessert that was amazing!! If you go to Applebees' get the dessert that has the ice cream, maple syrup, and pecans. It is absolutely wonderful. We finally parted ways and decided to head home after hugs and what not. By that time it was time for bed. So Dan and I snuggled in our tiny little room together, and tried our best to get some sleep before he had to leave for work at 4 am this morning. It was a great weekend though, and I am excited because after this week of him working. He will get another 7 days off. :) 

Broken hearts and Mended Wings

  It is hard to mend a broken heart,  and I have had my heart broken many a time. By My ex husband, by Rayne, by countless family members and friends. It has gotten to the point where when I begin to get close to someone I often wonder: "what grievous wound will this one inflict on my heart?" When I was reading Harry Potter and J.K Rowling was explaining horcruxes, I thought it was a very accurate analogy, which really causes you to feel some sympathy for Voldemort. Having your heart broken feels much like having a piece of your soul fractured.  You feel like you have a lost a piece of yourself that you will never get back. I once heard a phrase that got me through much of my divorce "A broken heart can be mended when replaced with deep devotion." Originally I assumed the quote was referring to religious devotion.  I never for a second thought that the quote could be applied to a person....until I met Dan.

      The relationship with Dan has been one that has been different from every other relationship I have ever been in. One key element that makes it from all the rest.  **It wasn't born of necessity**. We genuinely wanted to be with one another, and trust. Trust was something in a relationship that I had always alluded me. I always saw my mates as potential threats to me. However with Dan it is entirely different. I know within my little submissive heart that I never have to worry about him casting me aside for another person, I never have to wonder if one day he will wake up and not feel the same about me. I never have to wonder if he will raise a hand to me (out of the kinky context) or if I will come home to find another woman in my bed.  It's not so much an expectation, as I just know. The only real fear I have regarding our relationship is that one day I may become too much for him to handle, but that is slowly fading with time as we work together to heal my broken heart.

  I am truly fortunate to have found Dan. He is willing to sit there and hold me when I am having a rough night or going through a panic attack. He is willing to go through the perils of a divorce with me. In the past 18 months that we have been together he has never once left my side or abandoned me in a time of need. He has allowed me to be utterly  and what seemed irretrievably broken. All the while loving me despite this. I can't imagine its easy. I can't imagine it is pleasant being with someone you have to watch fall apart on a regular basis. There have been many times I have wished that I had meet Dan before I had meet my ex husband, I was a completely different person. However, I suppose if I hadn't been treated so poorly and with such contempt I wouldn't know what a truly rare and remarkable person Dan is.  I have never meet someone who makes me want to be a better person in the way that Dan does. It is great when you can work on yourself for you, but it makes it a hell of a lot easier when you have someone there who genuinely wants to see you succeed. It is like having someone holding your hand as you walk through a dark and treacherous tunnel that's really long and dark, but as soon as he holds your hand you can begin to see the light at the end of it.

 I have never been an affectionate person, nor a sentimental person, but whenever he walks in the door all I want to do is sit in his lap and be held in his arms. I never wanted to spend a terribly large amount of time with my ex, but when he is home I generally can think of doing nothing else. It lights up my world to see a smile on his face. Even the sex is passionate instead of awkward and uncomfortable as it has been in many of my relationships.  I have endured many years of heartbreak and been living with the repercussions of loving others, but now I am slowly healing it through deep devotion. 

My submission is a willow tree.

     

  When we first meet, Dan would be quite prone to tell me that he didn't think I was "terribly submissive." From his perspective, he was quite right. I didn't really show anyone that side of me. I run an estate and have tenants and at that time, young adults who I was trying to help out. Young adults and tenants who would have walked all over me, if I seemed to be at any time "not in control." I was never terribly mean but I didn't take any bull, and I certainly wasn't in anyway relenting. I commanded order and personal responsibility in the house hold. I could see where he would be under the impression I wasn't submissive. However, when we started dating things changed. I don't think Dan would know submission if it hit him on the head and squirted.

      One of the things that attracts me to Dan is also one of the things that annoys the piss out of me. He is completely unrelenting in just about everything. If he makes up his mind to do something, ..he's going to do it. If he wants to go spend the entire day at the gun shop browsing guns, it doesn't matter how much whining and pouting I do, that is exactly what he is going to do. Compromising isn't really his thing. Don't get me wrong, Dan isn't some unrelenting asshole who treats me poorly. He is actually a wonderful man, He is just really use to his freedom and was quite keen in the beginning of the relationship to let me know that he wasn't going to give it up. So due to this more often than not, I am the one who bends.  Which is perfectly fine by me. I am submissive after all.

       The way I really see myself in my submission is  much like a tree. I have roots that are deeply embedded into the ground. These are things that I just simply will not bend on. This includes things like : My children and schooling come first..even to Dan. My limits, I will not be humiliated, used, or cheated on. Those things I am not willing to waver on, bend or negotiate. Then there is the main part of the tree which is all of my strength I carry that allows me to be submissive, it allows me to know when somethings are best to let go of and let him have, and when I need to be a root. Finally, the branches of the tree are my flexibility, it is where I am willing to waiver. I want chicken tonight, he wan'ts pork chops. So we will have pork chops.  You may not believe it but bending to little things like this makes our relationship easier, and more peaceful for the both of us. I am willing to let him have control of the remote when we watch t.v together. I am willing to accept whatever movie he wants to watch when we go out to the movie theater. I accept things that I am unhappy about, albeit someone begrudgingly. For example, his relationship with Scary spice...as much as I don't like it. I know that it is his right to have female friends, and I know that he isn't sleeping with her.

      I asked Dan a couple of days ago if he thought he would ever want to explore.(Meaning other women, since I am his first long time relationship.) He promptly shook his head and informed me that I was "too much for him to handle." and that he didn't want another woman. He honestly looked stressed from the thought. The thing about it is, ...I am not sure he realizes that there are many women out there who wouldn't be willing to bend as much as I do. There are women out there that would have probably scratched scary spice's eyes out by now. That being said, the more I have been bending and the more I submit to the things he wants, and what he wants me to do. I notice more and more that our relationship runs more smooth and we are both happier. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel like I am making huge sacrifices here, or that I am being deprived. I feel like I have my own special brand of submission that allows for our relationship to be better, and we are both genuinely happy.

We are so very different.

     

Dan and I finally got to spend some time together. Yesterday was his first day off for a couple of days now. We didn't really spend it doing anything particularly special because in a couple days he will have some more time off, and we will hopefully have the funds to make one last trip to the river for the year, or perhaps go to the zoo or aquarium here in Tennessee. We did however go out Gamestop and Wendy's together. The trip to Game stop wasn't really my scene, I am that reluctant girlfriend with the up-do, in her Betty Boop pajamas and scull decorated tank top staring at her boyfriend in a disapproving fashion. Once I got over my initial annoyance of being there, I peered around the store with Dan looking at the different games he was telling me he wanted which mostly consisted of poke'mon and Zelda.

       I browsed over to the games that more interested me. "Dan do you think you would like this one?" pointing to an RPG game. I believe it was Diablo 3. He shook his head at me. " I don't really like games like world of war craft, or anything that is a computer game." I was taken a bit back because computer games are really the only thing that I play. I asked him if he liked the elder scrolls series. He shook his head. "not really." I asked him about Fable, and he proceeded to tell me it wasn't his style of game. Finally I asked if he would able play Guild of Wars 2 with me. " I don't like anything that reminds me of world of war craft." He then went on to play a demo of a Zelda game on the WiiU, leaving me there a little conflicted and trying to think of anything we actually had in common.

           It is pretty clear that we both hate each others taste in music. I am actually under the impression that Dan doesn't so much as like music as he likes having background noise, because the station in the car will frequently remain on the gospel channel. I don't know, ..maybe he really liked gospel? He has made many complaints about the types of music I listen to. He has either said he doesn't like Rap, or that my music is to slow and depressing. Even said he hated Nirvana, ...can you believe that shit? Now my music goes from Nirvana, , Soundgarden, to Taylor Swift, Beyonce, to The Notorious Big, and Mystikal. Hell, I even got like 2 country songs on my playlist, and I obviously hate country. However, we just can't seem to compromise when it comes to music. If I want to listen to music when we are in the car together, it usually consist of me using my phone and head phones and letting him have power over the radio in the car. Which works out perfectly for me because it's a very rare occasion that he lets me drive my car....when we are both in the car.

       We have very different taste in movies as well. Don't get me wrong I love Marvel as much as the next girl, but pretty much every movie we have gone out to together has been his pick. For the most part, I enjoyed most of them. We have been to see  World War Z, Pacific Rim, Guardians of the Galaxy (Which was awesome by the way.) and Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles. However, zombies and a futuristic Power Rangers really aren't my scene. To be fair though, I don't think he was too keen on seeing Maleficent with me, ..which I sadly now have to wait until November before it comes out on DVD.  I am pretty sure Natural Bork Killers and Sweeny Todd also wouldn't be his cup of tea. Why do I have to be with a man who hates Disney? *Le sob*


         Our hobbies are even different. Dan absolutely obsesses over firearms. I think in his gun safe there is at least ten guns. He has "Kindness" A 40. cal Taurus  that I bought him for a Christmas present back in 2012. "Scratch" a 12gage Mossberg that I bought him for his birthday in 2013. A Smith and Wesson MMP, A 308, My 45. Taurus Millennium, ....and a bunch of other weapons I can't readily identify by caliber.  Every chance he gets he goes and stares at them in a local gun store around here. Don't get me wrong, I love my 2nd amendment right as much as the next redneck...but, I don't really absolutely obsess over them. I mean, come on he doesn't even hunt. Whereas I would rather spend my whole day on the river swimming around in the treacherous waters, he would probably want to stay in the air conditioning. He loves dogs, I absolutely cannot stand the creatures and am content to be left alone with my snakes who don't eat my expensive shoes.

     It just really amazes me how two people can be so different, and come to care for each other. I don't know what we spend our days talking about sometimes, but I know I am happy when we are snuggled up together. Even if Cartoon Network is playing on the television and there's a Law and Order SVU Marathon that I am missing.  :)

Stay Classy Folks

Hopeful

       This week Dan is on 12 hour shifts. He leaves every morning at 5 am and does not return home until 5pm. This means I do not get to spend a large amount of time with him because many of my classes start at 5pm and end at 9pm By which time both of us are absolutely exhausted. I think we got to spend about two hours together last night before I passed out in the bed, and he went out to dinner with his brother. Our schedule are extremely hectic and conflict with one another.  The fact that I both work and go to school isn't doing us any favors on time either.

 Yesterday was a rather emotional day for me. I don't like being away from him. It causes my anxiety attacks to go off the charts. I use to get visibly upset about it, and make every effort in my power for him to stay with me. However, he wasn't too keen or happy about that, and it had caused a few arguments so to speak. So while I am still working on being less upset about it, I try not to "make a scene" or whine about it. It doesn't change the fact its hard to me. There are times when as much as I want to I can't go cuddle up in his lap and have him console me. There are times when I have to deal with my panic attacks, and depression on my own without him, ..and it sucks because honestly he has become a huge security blanket for me. There is something about him being around that just makes life bearable for me.

 The good news is that since Dan has finally changed stations at his job, .. he will finally be getting some time off soon where we will be able to spend time together. There are several things I never got to do with my significant other in my previous marriage that I really want to be able to do in my relationship with Dan.  Right now there is a zoo in Chattanooga that I kind of want to visit. Seeing as we are in the middle of nowhere, Tennessee. I don't exactly have many options as far as entertainment goes besides the cinema. I just think be able to get out and do something together would be really nice.

 Fall is also upon us, and is slowly becoming one of my favorite seasons of the year. Halloween is Our favorite holiday, so it will be fun to dress up and perhaps go to the Halloween block party that the city holds every year, and gives away a ton of free candy. Mostly chocolate since we are home to the M&M Mars factory. Which is awesome because several times a week you can walk out of your home and the entire city will smell of peanut butter and chocolate. I also can start making things like pumpkin pies and other nice fall treats. I really love the smell of apple cinnamon and pumpkin spice so I buy candles every year to turn the aroma of my house into a fall smelling emporium.

 Yesterday I made homemade butterbeer. If you are a fan of the Harry Potter series I really think you would enjoy the recipe. It was great but a little thick, it is definitely a treat, ..not a thirst quenching beverage! I got a medium sauce pan and melted a stick of butter. Once the butter was melted I then added a half  cup of butter scotch, 2TBS of brown sugar, and a can of heavy cream and brought it to a slow simmering boil. I then added 4 cups of cream soda, and a Tbs of vanilla extract. Continue to simmer and still well for 10 minutes. Add more or less cream soda for desired consistency. Serve hot. Well that's all I have for now. Stay classy folks! :) 

If I Were a Christian

 I am usually pretty hard on all people..but no so much as those who are outwardly religious. I don't mean those who go to church and pray, or those who have pictures of their messiah hanging above their dining room tables. Not even those who openly wear their hijabs or burkas. I am of course referring to those who know you are not of their faith but will invite you every Sunday to their church in hopes that they can talk you into getting saved and save your soul from eternal damnation. Those who seem to look at you with concern when you may practice your own religion , and they call it "barbaric and oppressive."

 Now, I live not  only smack dab in the middle of the Bible belt, I also live in a town that has over 300 churches. There are literally at least two churches on every street if not more.  I really have wondered many a times if there were even enough people in this city to fill all of those churches. The other thing is I haven't seen another place of worship here.. not a synagogue , not a mosque..and a very real possibility that if one might be started here it would be run out of town. Hell, the mosque down in Chattanooga, which is the major closest city to us was burned down. Let's just say this town isn't winning any awards for religious tolerance anytime soon.

I am not religious, ...nor am I an atheist. I identify as being agnostic and have interest in the notions of either proving or disproving an afterlife.  I am open to the idea of a God , but not to a benevolent, omnipotent, all loving, all knowing merciful and righteous God. I am open to the ideas that we can influence our own lives with will power, positive thinking, negative thing, and concentrated intention. I am open to the idea that everything happens for a reason.

 That being said after going through my Facebook and reading several statuses by Christians, being deleted by a couple because I put up my own religious believes, ..and having a few debates from not a religious point of view but from a scholar of many religions I have had quite sometime to sit down and think about what would it take for me to become a Christian, (I am using Christianity as the basis because that is predominantly what the people in my town are, this actually goes for any religion.) How I would expect to be treated, and some of the issues I would have with being a Christian.

 After thinking about this for a while, I came to the conclusion that maybe I am being  a little too hard on the Christians. One of the reasons is because many of the things I would except from Christians are hard. 1.) I expect Christians to be non-judgmental.  Which this is partly a fair request..but also partially unreasonable.  I know, confusing. The mind works faster and processes things before we actually get a time to process things. Your mind looks at things and actually decides what they are before you can come to a conclusion. For example you might see a scadly dressed woman and come to the conclusion that she may be easy or loose, ...because that is what magazines, movies, ..media is betraying loose women to wear and act. This isn't really you're fault, this is programming.  That being said if you really aren't open minded enough to sit down and reevaluate the situation and come to your own conclusions you really are guilty of being judgmental. "Maybe that's just how she likes to dress?"
"Why does it bother me so much what she wants to wear?" Think for yourselves.

Same goes for how other religions are approached. Even if I was a Christian, I would want to know about other religions. I would want to know who Muhammad was, I would want to know why Buddha decided that in order to reach enlightenment, he would have to leave behind his palace, wife, and child. I would want to know why Jews don't believe that Jesus was their savior. I would want to know why atheist didn't believe. I would not be okay with thinking that these people who didn't believe the same thing that I did, ...were going to hell. I could not possibly understand why anyone would wish eternal torture on someone and be able to call themselves good people.  Don't get me wrong many Christians aren't like that, but for everyone of them...there seems to be someone revealing in what they believe to be the spiritual death sentence of another human being. Don't believe me? Go to any youtube video that focuses on atheism.. or secular beliefs and read the youtube comments. "God is real, and so is hell! and that's were you're headed." or some variation of that will be under each one. I just don't understand how anyone could call someone a friend and believe they are going to burn for all eternity if they don't follow their same beliefs. It is diabolical.

If I were a Christian I also wouldn't want to judge other peoples morality on their religion. One of the more common questions I get asked since I am agnostic is "How can you be a good person without God or religion?" That is an absolutely terrifying question because it means to me...this person is basically saying the only thing keeping them from shooting up a school or becoming the next Jeffery Dahmer is their fear of punishment from a divine being. These people also say that if someone is without God, or fear of divine punishment then they can rape, murder, and steal all they want to. I think Penn Jillette put it best when he said "I do rape all I want, and the amount I want is zero."  There is an excellent little post currently making its rounds on Facebook that I feel many people need to see and understand and it relatively simple. "Your beliefs don't make you a good person, ..you're actions do."

Today I had liked a status on Facebook where a couple of Dan's friends had been going through a hard time over the past year do to illness in the family, they had money troubles, difficulty finding a job, difficulty filing for disability for the wife with the illness. Well, they had finally gotten disability along with back pay and her health was improving.The status had several praises for God within its context and them being grateful to the creator...nothing wrong with gratitude at your situation especially since it is such a rare thing. However, someone asked me why I would like the status when I did not believe in the power of God, or in their religion.  Why on earth would I have to believe in their God to be happy that another humans health is improving? Why do I need to be a Christian to donate to the well being of another person in need? Are you saying my money and good intentions are not welcome because I am not of the same faith? Would you deny a blood transplant you desperately needed because the person was Muslim? I genuinely am happy for the wife's return to health. I genuinely wanted to donate the small amount of money I did donate to the family..my belief system had nothing to do with, it was my concern for another human being.

Finally, if I were a Christian the last thing I would want to do it invalidate another person's beliefs.  I think its hurtful to tell someone their religion is wrong and they are going to burn in hell for their beliefs. I was following an atheist page on Facebook at one point in time, and I really just had to unfollow it despite the interesting concepts they presented on the afterlife. The reason is because they were going on tirades against Christians and Muslims. One of the commentators had even gone so fat and to wrap the Koran in bacon , take a picture and post it. Others had pictures of Bibles being set on fire. I think anyone who is willing to invalidate and put down the beliefs of others deserves to have the same thing done to them. I know, an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind, ..but I really feel that this is something that should be experiences so that you can no how it feels. It is fine to question beliefs. The number one reason being is because they are ideas ..and any idea is open to being questioned and analyzed. Friendly debates among peers should always be welcome. That is how we grow, learn, and express.  However it is not acceptable to be outright disrespectful and indecent to another persons beliefs. It is immature, immoral, and downright vile.