My submission is a willow tree.

     

  When we first meet, Dan would be quite prone to tell me that he didn't think I was "terribly submissive." From his perspective, he was quite right. I didn't really show anyone that side of me. I run an estate and have tenants and at that time, young adults who I was trying to help out. Young adults and tenants who would have walked all over me, if I seemed to be at any time "not in control." I was never terribly mean but I didn't take any bull, and I certainly wasn't in anyway relenting. I commanded order and personal responsibility in the house hold. I could see where he would be under the impression I wasn't submissive. However, when we started dating things changed. I don't think Dan would know submission if it hit him on the head and squirted.

      One of the things that attracts me to Dan is also one of the things that annoys the piss out of me. He is completely unrelenting in just about everything. If he makes up his mind to do something, ..he's going to do it. If he wants to go spend the entire day at the gun shop browsing guns, it doesn't matter how much whining and pouting I do, that is exactly what he is going to do. Compromising isn't really his thing. Don't get me wrong, Dan isn't some unrelenting asshole who treats me poorly. He is actually a wonderful man, He is just really use to his freedom and was quite keen in the beginning of the relationship to let me know that he wasn't going to give it up. So due to this more often than not, I am the one who bends.  Which is perfectly fine by me. I am submissive after all.

       The way I really see myself in my submission is  much like a tree. I have roots that are deeply embedded into the ground. These are things that I just simply will not bend on. This includes things like : My children and schooling come first..even to Dan. My limits, I will not be humiliated, used, or cheated on. Those things I am not willing to waver on, bend or negotiate. Then there is the main part of the tree which is all of my strength I carry that allows me to be submissive, it allows me to know when somethings are best to let go of and let him have, and when I need to be a root. Finally, the branches of the tree are my flexibility, it is where I am willing to waiver. I want chicken tonight, he wan'ts pork chops. So we will have pork chops.  You may not believe it but bending to little things like this makes our relationship easier, and more peaceful for the both of us. I am willing to let him have control of the remote when we watch t.v together. I am willing to accept whatever movie he wants to watch when we go out to the movie theater. I accept things that I am unhappy about, albeit someone begrudgingly. For example, his relationship with Scary spice...as much as I don't like it. I know that it is his right to have female friends, and I know that he isn't sleeping with her.

      I asked Dan a couple of days ago if he thought he would ever want to explore.(Meaning other women, since I am his first long time relationship.) He promptly shook his head and informed me that I was "too much for him to handle." and that he didn't want another woman. He honestly looked stressed from the thought. The thing about it is, ...I am not sure he realizes that there are many women out there who wouldn't be willing to bend as much as I do. There are women out there that would have probably scratched scary spice's eyes out by now. That being said, the more I have been bending and the more I submit to the things he wants, and what he wants me to do. I notice more and more that our relationship runs more smooth and we are both happier. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel like I am making huge sacrifices here, or that I am being deprived. I feel like I have my own special brand of submission that allows for our relationship to be better, and we are both genuinely happy.