I don't know if it is the water in the town that I live in, or just that I was raised in a different way but the young adults (by young adults I mean ranging from the ages of 19-27) seem to have seriously forfeited the entire concept of accountability. Everyone I know is under the impression that everyone should be sympathetic to the fact that their life might not have gone completely the way that they wanted it to. That they have to do things that they don't necessarily want to do. I will give three examples of people I know that fall into this category.
The first one is one of my tenants, who more than anyone else I give a wee bit of empathy to because I can completely understand the effects having a broken home and a life without structure and consistency. However, even in situations like this there comes a time when personal accountability comes over, and since he is now 23, that time is well upon him. He is quick to complain how hard it is to pay all of his bills, how tired he is from having to work, how even through he works overtime he cannot afford to purchase all the things that his little heart desires. Here is where my sympathy for him ends. I know...the ideal thing is that we all have loving parents who allow us to live with them forever, and who allow us to stay in the nest until we are ready to move out. Those mama birds who tell their babies to fly or die are just pure evil! The thing is he doesn't realize that even now, he is catching a break. He pays $300 a month utilities included for his room and board. I very often have to explain to him that when he leaves my house, not only will he have to pay rent, he will also have to pay for his power bill, and his water bill, as well as his gas and food, and any extra thing he might need or want. I am pretty sure that everyone wishes they didn't have to wake up every day and go to work, I am sure there are plenty who wish they didn't have to spend the majority of the money they earn on bills, but that's just the way society is. If you want something you have to pay for it. The issue I have with him is that he will throw pity parties as if he is the only one who has to deal with these things on a daily basis.
The next person is actually an acquaintance of mine, how long we will remain friends really depends on how long my own person wick of patience is, but I can tell you now its growing thin. She is older than me by a year and grew up in a fairly supportive and loving home. Unfortunately however, her mother passed away last year. Yes, it's sad. Yes, it's unfortunate. However, the honest truth about it? Your mourning period really is limited. If your mother dies, your child dies, a friend dies. You do get time away from work, you do get time away from school to deal with the death proceedings, funerals, preparations. However it usually does not extend more than a week. This girl that I have previously in other blog post referred to as "little miss thing" will tell you how hard she is trying to get a job, she will tell you and post all over Facebook, how she is a hard worker and no one will give her a chance. However, since I have had her over at my house on several occasions in order to clean, I can give you my own critque on whether ot not she is a hard worker. The payment for her cleaning my downstairs basement apartment (I generally don't have her clean upstairs in the main house for fear I might loose my temper with her.) is usually $115.00 the price of her phone bill. Keep in mind for that amount I can afford to hire a professional house keeper. When I am paying someone that kind of money, I expect that they won't spend the entire time on their phone, nor do I expect I will have to explain they need to clean the mirrors, scrub the bathtub, polish the wood. I expect them to not try to ruin my vacuum cleaner by attempting to vacuum up pieces of trash that are way too big for it. Never the less that is exactly what she does, and I really feel it is because of her work ethic and lack thereof that she is not able to maintain a job.
Now little miss thing will manipulate her friends through guilt to help to pay her bills, and honestly the last time I helped her (which was yesterday) will probably be the last time. Does it suck she doesn't have a job? Yes. Does it suck that she can't afford to pay her bills? Yes. Is it my problem? No Should I feel obligated to help her because we are friends? No. Honestly, I am doing her no favors by continuing to pay her phone bill despite her lazy and sub par work, all I am doing is allowing her to remain dependent, and not have an understanding that it is her attitude and over all work ethic that it is keeping in her current situation (not a spell of bad luck.) Yet and still because we are friends she is under the illusion that it is my responsibility to help her. It's not, I am under no obligation to do so. That is not how friendship works. If I want to help her it should be strictly because I want to, not because she expects it of me.
Another instance of not taking personal responsibility comes from of course ours truly once again...little miss thing. A couple of days ago there was a situation where little miss thing and a mutual friend of ours was in an intoxicated altercation. The way little miss thing explained it was that he just out of nowhere, began attacking her and slamming her unprovoked. ...Now here is the issue I have with this. It is extremely rare for an attack of assault to happen unprovoked. Note that unprovoked is not equivalent to unwarranted. There is almost always a reason it happened. Was it because you burned dinner? Is it because you called him a homo? These things are unwarranted, not unprovoked. If you tell me you did absolutely nothing, it becomes very clear to me you are hiding something. Well it finally came out through several of her own friends that she has actually physically attacked the man and scratched up his face before he pushed her off of him (albeit a little too hard). He did not openly get up and pound her face in for the attack, in my view he had every right to defend himself. She refuses to accept the responsibility that she provoked him the altercation and goes so far to say "If he had attacked one of my friends I wouldn't be friends with him anymore, and my word should be good enough for everyone to believe me." Two issues I have with that statement. 1.) Bitch, he didn't hit me. I can associate with whoever I want. 2.)Saying your word is good enough is like saying the police should not take the account of any one else into consideration and should jail the man for battery without trial. ...Welcome to America sweetheart. Dan and I both agree whole heartily that a man should not strike a woman, ...but if a woman wants to step into the "role of a man" for lack of better terminology and hits and berates a man, he has every right to defend himself by restraining her, and pushing her off of him. She has been going around saying he hit her, she did nothing wrong, and refuses to take responsibility for any of her wrong doings. Sorry hunny, equal rights don't dissolve themselves just because they become inconvenient for you to play the victim. I digress on this one.
The next example is the poster child of refusing to take personal accountability in relationships. I commonly refer to her as scary spice. Scary spice did a real no no in my book a couple of days ago. She posted that she would never find a person in the world with the same moral standards and good heart as her. Basically, she said no one in the world was a good person, or had morals that could be on par with hers. I am sorry, I just cannot begin to understand that level of self absorption. However putting the idiotic vanity aside, ..lets go into the reason she posted this. Apparently she has an issue with the fact that her boyfriend likes to watch porn. She feels like its disrespectful to her because it makes her feel inadequate being compared to "airbrushed fakes" What the all hell? Okay first off, if you know that the girls in porn are fake, airbrushed, and purposely unrealistic? Then why are you getting offended? You understand that no one looks like that right?? Secondly, if a person does something continuously that you don't like, and despite you telling them it offends hurts you and they continue to do it. Why is that person still in your life? They obviously don't care how you feel. They obviously have no desire what so ever to change in any way shape or form. So is it his fault you're offended by tits? No. Is it his fault you continue to by staying with him condone the behavior you find despicable? No. Is your moral standard the basis on which everyone should be judged because you're a over bearing prude? No. You are responsible for your own happiness. If you don't like the way you look. Change it. If you feel like you are inadequate it is your own responsibility to either seek out the therapy or the self love you need. Why are you even in a relationship if you can't grasp the concept of loving yourself? You want to complain about your lover and his blatant disregard for your feelings but no one is forcing you into a relationship with this person. I get the whole concept of trying to fix something but if your relationship can't stand up to something as trivial as air brushing...then you need to re-evaluate somethings.
Finally, I am going to share my own personal story of where I should have accepted responsibility and didn't. Yesterday. I don't necessarily get easily offended but I have a very unreasonable fear of abandonment. Yesterday, Dan got home 4 minutes before I had to leave for school which caused us to get into an argument. Of course being hurt and offended because I felt like he didn't want to be around me, he didn't want to spend time with me, I blew up about a situation that wasn't actually the problem. I fussed about how he always had my car, I fussed about how he always did this on days I had to go to school. Where as the actual truth was, I was just upset we didn't really get to do anything on the days that he was off. I wanted to go to the zoo, it didn't happen. I wanted to go to the aquarium it didn't happen. Hell, today I just wanted him to acknowledge that I existed and it feels like that didn't really happen either. Do I think he is purposely trying to make me feel unloved and unwanted? No, not at all. Instead of speaking to him about how I feel I decided to angry and lash out at him instead and now he thinks the issues that I have with him is something completely different than what I am actually upset about, and I will have to accept the consequence that he won't actually know what is bothering me until I tell him. I have to deal with the fact that he is (obviously) upset towards me. Shit sucks... but its a part of taking accountability for my mistakes. Stay classy readers.
For the TL;DR crowd: people suck, relationships suck, pea sucks. Horray!
The first one is one of my tenants, who more than anyone else I give a wee bit of empathy to because I can completely understand the effects having a broken home and a life without structure and consistency. However, even in situations like this there comes a time when personal accountability comes over, and since he is now 23, that time is well upon him. He is quick to complain how hard it is to pay all of his bills, how tired he is from having to work, how even through he works overtime he cannot afford to purchase all the things that his little heart desires. Here is where my sympathy for him ends. I know...the ideal thing is that we all have loving parents who allow us to live with them forever, and who allow us to stay in the nest until we are ready to move out. Those mama birds who tell their babies to fly or die are just pure evil! The thing is he doesn't realize that even now, he is catching a break. He pays $300 a month utilities included for his room and board. I very often have to explain to him that when he leaves my house, not only will he have to pay rent, he will also have to pay for his power bill, and his water bill, as well as his gas and food, and any extra thing he might need or want. I am pretty sure that everyone wishes they didn't have to wake up every day and go to work, I am sure there are plenty who wish they didn't have to spend the majority of the money they earn on bills, but that's just the way society is. If you want something you have to pay for it. The issue I have with him is that he will throw pity parties as if he is the only one who has to deal with these things on a daily basis.
The next person is actually an acquaintance of mine, how long we will remain friends really depends on how long my own person wick of patience is, but I can tell you now its growing thin. She is older than me by a year and grew up in a fairly supportive and loving home. Unfortunately however, her mother passed away last year. Yes, it's sad. Yes, it's unfortunate. However, the honest truth about it? Your mourning period really is limited. If your mother dies, your child dies, a friend dies. You do get time away from work, you do get time away from school to deal with the death proceedings, funerals, preparations. However it usually does not extend more than a week. This girl that I have previously in other blog post referred to as "little miss thing" will tell you how hard she is trying to get a job, she will tell you and post all over Facebook, how she is a hard worker and no one will give her a chance. However, since I have had her over at my house on several occasions in order to clean, I can give you my own critque on whether ot not she is a hard worker. The payment for her cleaning my downstairs basement apartment (I generally don't have her clean upstairs in the main house for fear I might loose my temper with her.) is usually $115.00 the price of her phone bill. Keep in mind for that amount I can afford to hire a professional house keeper. When I am paying someone that kind of money, I expect that they won't spend the entire time on their phone, nor do I expect I will have to explain they need to clean the mirrors, scrub the bathtub, polish the wood. I expect them to not try to ruin my vacuum cleaner by attempting to vacuum up pieces of trash that are way too big for it. Never the less that is exactly what she does, and I really feel it is because of her work ethic and lack thereof that she is not able to maintain a job.
Now little miss thing will manipulate her friends through guilt to help to pay her bills, and honestly the last time I helped her (which was yesterday) will probably be the last time. Does it suck she doesn't have a job? Yes. Does it suck that she can't afford to pay her bills? Yes. Is it my problem? No Should I feel obligated to help her because we are friends? No. Honestly, I am doing her no favors by continuing to pay her phone bill despite her lazy and sub par work, all I am doing is allowing her to remain dependent, and not have an understanding that it is her attitude and over all work ethic that it is keeping in her current situation (not a spell of bad luck.) Yet and still because we are friends she is under the illusion that it is my responsibility to help her. It's not, I am under no obligation to do so. That is not how friendship works. If I want to help her it should be strictly because I want to, not because she expects it of me.
Another instance of not taking personal responsibility comes from of course ours truly once again...little miss thing. A couple of days ago there was a situation where little miss thing and a mutual friend of ours was in an intoxicated altercation. The way little miss thing explained it was that he just out of nowhere, began attacking her and slamming her unprovoked. ...Now here is the issue I have with this. It is extremely rare for an attack of assault to happen unprovoked. Note that unprovoked is not equivalent to unwarranted. There is almost always a reason it happened. Was it because you burned dinner? Is it because you called him a homo? These things are unwarranted, not unprovoked. If you tell me you did absolutely nothing, it becomes very clear to me you are hiding something. Well it finally came out through several of her own friends that she has actually physically attacked the man and scratched up his face before he pushed her off of him (albeit a little too hard). He did not openly get up and pound her face in for the attack, in my view he had every right to defend himself. She refuses to accept the responsibility that she provoked him the altercation and goes so far to say "If he had attacked one of my friends I wouldn't be friends with him anymore, and my word should be good enough for everyone to believe me." Two issues I have with that statement. 1.) Bitch, he didn't hit me. I can associate with whoever I want. 2.)Saying your word is good enough is like saying the police should not take the account of any one else into consideration and should jail the man for battery without trial. ...Welcome to America sweetheart. Dan and I both agree whole heartily that a man should not strike a woman, ...but if a woman wants to step into the "role of a man" for lack of better terminology and hits and berates a man, he has every right to defend himself by restraining her, and pushing her off of him. She has been going around saying he hit her, she did nothing wrong, and refuses to take responsibility for any of her wrong doings. Sorry hunny, equal rights don't dissolve themselves just because they become inconvenient for you to play the victim. I digress on this one.
The next example is the poster child of refusing to take personal accountability in relationships. I commonly refer to her as scary spice. Scary spice did a real no no in my book a couple of days ago. She posted that she would never find a person in the world with the same moral standards and good heart as her. Basically, she said no one in the world was a good person, or had morals that could be on par with hers. I am sorry, I just cannot begin to understand that level of self absorption. However putting the idiotic vanity aside, ..lets go into the reason she posted this. Apparently she has an issue with the fact that her boyfriend likes to watch porn. She feels like its disrespectful to her because it makes her feel inadequate being compared to "airbrushed fakes" What the all hell? Okay first off, if you know that the girls in porn are fake, airbrushed, and purposely unrealistic? Then why are you getting offended? You understand that no one looks like that right?? Secondly, if a person does something continuously that you don't like, and despite you telling them it offends hurts you and they continue to do it. Why is that person still in your life? They obviously don't care how you feel. They obviously have no desire what so ever to change in any way shape or form. So is it his fault you're offended by tits? No. Is it his fault you continue to by staying with him condone the behavior you find despicable? No. Is your moral standard the basis on which everyone should be judged because you're a over bearing prude? No. You are responsible for your own happiness. If you don't like the way you look. Change it. If you feel like you are inadequate it is your own responsibility to either seek out the therapy or the self love you need. Why are you even in a relationship if you can't grasp the concept of loving yourself? You want to complain about your lover and his blatant disregard for your feelings but no one is forcing you into a relationship with this person. I get the whole concept of trying to fix something but if your relationship can't stand up to something as trivial as air brushing...then you need to re-evaluate somethings.
Finally, I am going to share my own personal story of where I should have accepted responsibility and didn't. Yesterday. I don't necessarily get easily offended but I have a very unreasonable fear of abandonment. Yesterday, Dan got home 4 minutes before I had to leave for school which caused us to get into an argument. Of course being hurt and offended because I felt like he didn't want to be around me, he didn't want to spend time with me, I blew up about a situation that wasn't actually the problem. I fussed about how he always had my car, I fussed about how he always did this on days I had to go to school. Where as the actual truth was, I was just upset we didn't really get to do anything on the days that he was off. I wanted to go to the zoo, it didn't happen. I wanted to go to the aquarium it didn't happen. Hell, today I just wanted him to acknowledge that I existed and it feels like that didn't really happen either. Do I think he is purposely trying to make me feel unloved and unwanted? No, not at all. Instead of speaking to him about how I feel I decided to angry and lash out at him instead and now he thinks the issues that I have with him is something completely different than what I am actually upset about, and I will have to accept the consequence that he won't actually know what is bothering me until I tell him. I have to deal with the fact that he is (obviously) upset towards me. Shit sucks... but its a part of taking accountability for my mistakes. Stay classy readers.
For the TL;DR crowd: people suck, relationships suck, pea sucks. Horray!
0 comments:
Post a Comment