Hopeful

       This week Dan is on 12 hour shifts. He leaves every morning at 5 am and does not return home until 5pm. This means I do not get to spend a large amount of time with him because many of my classes start at 5pm and end at 9pm By which time both of us are absolutely exhausted. I think we got to spend about two hours together last night before I passed out in the bed, and he went out to dinner with his brother. Our schedule are extremely hectic and conflict with one another.  The fact that I both work and go to school isn't doing us any favors on time either.

 Yesterday was a rather emotional day for me. I don't like being away from him. It causes my anxiety attacks to go off the charts. I use to get visibly upset about it, and make every effort in my power for him to stay with me. However, he wasn't too keen or happy about that, and it had caused a few arguments so to speak. So while I am still working on being less upset about it, I try not to "make a scene" or whine about it. It doesn't change the fact its hard to me. There are times when as much as I want to I can't go cuddle up in his lap and have him console me. There are times when I have to deal with my panic attacks, and depression on my own without him, ..and it sucks because honestly he has become a huge security blanket for me. There is something about him being around that just makes life bearable for me.

 The good news is that since Dan has finally changed stations at his job, .. he will finally be getting some time off soon where we will be able to spend time together. There are several things I never got to do with my significant other in my previous marriage that I really want to be able to do in my relationship with Dan.  Right now there is a zoo in Chattanooga that I kind of want to visit. Seeing as we are in the middle of nowhere, Tennessee. I don't exactly have many options as far as entertainment goes besides the cinema. I just think be able to get out and do something together would be really nice.

 Fall is also upon us, and is slowly becoming one of my favorite seasons of the year. Halloween is Our favorite holiday, so it will be fun to dress up and perhaps go to the Halloween block party that the city holds every year, and gives away a ton of free candy. Mostly chocolate since we are home to the M&M Mars factory. Which is awesome because several times a week you can walk out of your home and the entire city will smell of peanut butter and chocolate. I also can start making things like pumpkin pies and other nice fall treats. I really love the smell of apple cinnamon and pumpkin spice so I buy candles every year to turn the aroma of my house into a fall smelling emporium.

 Yesterday I made homemade butterbeer. If you are a fan of the Harry Potter series I really think you would enjoy the recipe. It was great but a little thick, it is definitely a treat, ..not a thirst quenching beverage! I got a medium sauce pan and melted a stick of butter. Once the butter was melted I then added a half  cup of butter scotch, 2TBS of brown sugar, and a can of heavy cream and brought it to a slow simmering boil. I then added 4 cups of cream soda, and a Tbs of vanilla extract. Continue to simmer and still well for 10 minutes. Add more or less cream soda for desired consistency. Serve hot. Well that's all I have for now. Stay classy folks! :)