The Definition of "True"

Well my lovely Fetlife family, I am writing this because I came across a couple of writings that make me face palm and utter silently to myself "I cannot not even." and because Hornsandhalo loves my rants. I know..she told me so. ;)  so let the ranting commence.

So I saw someone trying to define "submissive" and the fact that submissives could never be slaves because they don't have the "desire to serve" and how as a "True Dominant" they would never be able to accept a submissive under their collar.  They went on to explain that being submissive was someone who attended munches, and got their ass spanked a few times to satisfy their own sexual needs. Ladies and Gentlemen..I have said it once, and I will say it again. A submissive is anyone with the willingness to submit. Anything that goes beyond that statement is personal to each and every individual submissive.

Also I really hate the idealization that people seem to have in the lifestyle that slaves are somehow more devoted than those who identify as submissives. The number one reason I don't identify as a slave is explained in this writing.. To sum it up really I just don't like the term. If you identify as slave that's great, but I really feel that like everything in the lifestyle it is a personal preference. That being said, someone who identifies as a slave, does not mean they are any more devoted to their top than I am. I have the same willingness to submit, I have the same ability to serve as anyone else in the lifestyle. An awesome lifestyle blogger explained it very well when he said. "All slaves are submissive, but not all submissives are slaves." You can read about it on his blog.

Let me explain that, because I can hear the "Oh hell no I ain't no submissive!" ringing a world sound outcry. If you identify as a slave their is a good chance that you submit to a power exchange ..which would require you to submit. Therefore you're submissive.  Submissiveness is not always a title ..it is also a trait, an action, an adjective. It's such a versatile little word, is it not? Now my response to any one who feels the need to refer to themselves as a "true" dominant/slave/submissive....Well, for the dominants and submissives, there really is no such thing thing. Don't blame me, blame Webster. You either are, or you aren't. Save the switches, I haven't forgotten you guys. :)   As for the the definition of a "true" slave ...well, please refer to the previous blog post, it isn't as glamorous as you think.

Now to the final part of my rant. For anyone who ever is under the impression that they cannot be with a submissive, ..or a pet ..or any other label that someone identifies them self with, ..because they wouldn't be as devoted or as submissive as a slave, or a kajira...or again as anything that someone identifies with. Well my friend, ...that's incredibly ignorant of you.  It also tells me that you have an issue with your identity as a dominant , because you are not able to get that same kind of devotion. Why does the label make them any less valuable? Why does a label make their submission any less of a treasure? If you are quick overlook a person based on what a person identifies as then you my friend are missing out on hundreds of opportunities to connect with wonderful people. 

Implements don't make you Dominant.

Alright guys I am going to talk to this from my point of view , which some people might not agree with since everyone really has their own definitions within the lifestyle. There is really no set standard for them. So if you disagree with this post, that’s cool. Feel free to write your own blog thingy on the subject. Moving right along. Now when I first think of M/s , the thing that typically comes to mind for me is Sadism and Masochism. Which in turn makes me thing of Bdsm clubs, and sceneing, and you know that whole leather branch of Bdsm genre. Since I don’t really like pain, and I’m not really a major fan of sadism either. Don’t get me wrong, I like watching another girl get her ass beat just as much as the next person, but it’s not really a huge part of my participation in the lifestyle.

  I consider myself to fall into the Domination/ and submission category. I enjoy having rules, guidelines, and expectations. I like having consequences if I don’t follow those guidelines, even if I don’t particularity like the consequences. I don’t get all hot and bothered by “Kneel slut and suck my cock” In all honesty, I am probably going to laugh of you. For me, it’s the power exchange that I enjoy. I enjoy having a head of my house hold that I am subservient too. That doesn’t mean we need to forgo all common courtesy. I digress, that subject for another time. There’s so many sub-categories to domination and submission , that I could write a fucking dissertation on it. I think it’s really all the same thing but a twist on each category. Master and slave for example.. what are you doing? Dominating and submitting. Goreans.. what are you doing? Dominating and submitting. Pet girls.. dominating and submitting. Daddies/Mommies and littles? Dominating and Submitting. You get my point. I think that might be why when I see M/s I don’t automatically assume Master/slave.

  I won’t get into the debate between Master/slave vs. Dominant/submissive. You already know I feel they are the exact same thing that uses different titles. Feel free to disagree with me, that’s you’re prerogative. I can hear all the slaves going “I ain’t no damn submissive pea, I’se a slave! You take it back! you take it back right now damn it!” Calm down and breath. Yes, you are a slave that is the title you have given yourself. However, what you are doing is submitting ..which in turn makes you submissive. BOOM! Mind fucking blown! To what ever degree or how ever much protocol you want to add to that, it still doesn’t change the fact that you are submissive.
  
  You know, a lot of what I find attractive about the lifestyle, people wouldn’t call BDSM at all. “What bitch? You do dishes and laundry? and you think that makes you submissive? Shove an anal plug up your ass then talk to me about being submissive pea!” I kid I kid , but the truth is the fact that I feel doing those simply daily things like cleaning, and cooking, and making crocheted blankets, is what is so awesome about the lifestyle, if it makes you feel submissive, if it’s what you want for your lifestyle, then by all means don’t let me or anyone else dictate what you do in your dynamic. The best thing you can do is to be true to yourself. No matter what category or unlabeled dynamic you may have chosen. Stay classy America.

Hating Everyone Sucks, ...Trust Me.

     I have a really hard time making friends, like unreasonably hard time. Most of the friends that I have now, I have been friends with for over 10 years and we went to high school together. The problem with this is I went to high school in Atlanta, and most of  my friends are still there. When I came to a new city I didn't really know anyone. I meet Dan at D&D games that I use to host and cook for. There were other people there, but no one who really shared my same interest or was of the same interest as me. The other friend I met there unfortunately committed suicide last year.  I have a couple of my tenants who I am friends with but they are all male , and one of them has a very inappropriate crush on me, which makes things a bit complicated when I just wanna hang out and go to the zoo or something.

    Pretty much I wanted to find female friends but there was a couple of problems with this. 1.) I'm an introvert I don't really leave my little hovel much, unless I notice that I am beginning to get depressed from lack of sunlight. I have absolutely no idea how to strike up conversations with the same sex. 2.) I really want a female friend who is into the same things I am into. It doesn't have to be everything. Someone into Spartacus would be nice, ...or Game of thrones, ...or the Hunger games. I do actually have a female friend who is into the hunger games but sometimes conversation is so strained between us do to my being a home body and her being raised in a christian school, therefore not having much social skills. There's a lot of nodding and smiling. 3.) I have a really really hard time looking over the flaws of others. Which I know is horrible of me, because I am filled with them. For example the friend I was just referring to is going through a hard spot in her life which is understandable. Expect shes come to be at a level of dependency that it is expected that if we go out..I pay for it. Which I don't mind doing on occasion but its becoming a bit too much.

        I also have a hard time finding friends here because literally everyone is Christian. Now I am not saying that if you're a christian I won't be friends with you, or any of that Jazz, but these are the kind of Christians that want to save your soul from eternal hell, and I just really think that religion is a personal choice that should be between you and your god, not really to be flaunted around anywhere. Anyway, as soon as one of them finds out I am agnostic , it's like they go on some never ending mission to save my soul or shun me from them all together. Its really quite discouraging to me when someone tells me we can't be friends because we are on a different spiritual journey.

I suppose the other thing that gets in the way of me connecting with any female friends around here is that this is such a tight knit community as it is. Everyone already knows everyone. They've known each other all of their lives and grew up here. To them I am like this awkward little outsider that has invaded their city and is awkwardly trying to fit in. I feel like such a teenager writing this, but it really is getting rather annoying not having anyone to talk to or hang out with when my one female friend may be busy, or Dan's at work, or I just want to go out to a movie to get away from it all.

 Lastly, I really want a friend that would be accepting of my kinky side. It's minimally kinky, but still it's who I am. I have many friends who are into the lifestyle, but most of them are spread out across the country, and I have only met rayskajira personally. Who don't get me wrong is a lovely woman, but lives all the way out in Ohio. angelic^whimpers is awesome, but I don't see me making the trip out to Cali anytime soon either. The other thing about it is, I can meet all the lifestylers in my area but usually the same thing happens that did in Kansas. They don't understand I am not looking for play partners, just friends. Why can't we be friends and not screw?! There is a munch coming up in community this Saturday, that I hope I will get to meet some wonderful people, there's a red head who looks promising as possible friend potential, and I will get to meet other kinky people and smear my awkward weirdness all over them to. So I haven't quite given up on fitting into this quaint little town. Trying to stay positive and look forward to the munch.

Anyway, thanks for allowing me to smear my vulnerabilities all over you guys. :) 

What I Want In A Dominant

I suppose before I start this blog post, an introduction is in order. I'm pea's younger brother, not a brother by blood, but close enough. Like her, I am a submissive. Like her, I am a college student. Unlike her, I have a penis. This complicates D/s related matters, as submissive men have a (deserved) negative reputation in the minds of most people. I'm no good at picking writing topics, so I asked pea for one, and here we are at what I would want in a dominant partner. This'll be a treat.

I've often thought of this topic, but never really thought how to best put it to words, so I suppose I'll just have to run down my criteria as they come to mind. I guess this will reflect how important they are to me. Let's start with a fairly simple thing, gender. I am sexually attracted to women more than men. This isn't to say this is a set-in-stone fact, but after thinking about it a bit, I came to the conclusion that I would more likely be more interested in a relationship with a woman.

From an easy topic to a more complex one, one that I will bluntly put for the sake of brevity. I will not submit to anyone less intelligent than myself. This likely comes off as arrogant, because it probably is, but it's the reality of the situation. When I told pea of this, she replied with a statement along the lines of "you'll be alone for the rest of your life", which is wonderful moral support. However, I'm not as smart as she thinks I am, nor am I as smart as I think I am.

What's more, I don't mean "intelligent" in the book-smart sense; quite frankly, I don't care if a partner knows what a quadratic equation is, much less how to solve it. I refer to the word in a more holistic sense. Perhaps the correct word to use would be is wisdom. It is, after all, a complex feeling I have on this matter. I just know that I probably would not submit to someone who doesn't fulfill this Daedalean need that I have in order to submit.

This segues in a way that doesn't segue into the topic of age. This was something else I put a great deal of thought into, and the result was surprisingly narrow minded by me. After thinking on it, I'd much rather be in a relationship with someone around about the same age as myself (23), give or take a few years. I thought this to be somewhat vein, and it is; age should make no difference. But it does. Not in any sexual sense at least, but in terms of relating to a person, I'd much sooner make an emotional connection with someone who grew up with the same things as myself, in the same cultural age as myself.

Does this mean it is impossible for me to ever get into a relationship with someone my elder by a decade or more? Not at all. But I suspect that I would find it easier the closer the person's age is to my own.

Now comes the physical part, in that while pea cares more of matters sensual and psychological, I care more about the physical aspect (which isn't to say that I don't care about other things; just that I also care about bondage and fetishes and stuff.). To be blunt once more, I am horribly perverted person. This would likely be a fairly major sticking point to someone who isn't much into physical stuff as I am, and would likely tank a relationship with such a person.


As for other physical stuff, I have thought about it, and I've discovered that I'm not as nit-picky as I thought I was. At the end of the day, while I do have certain racial preferences, a person I am attracted to (mentally or physically; ideally both) is a person I am attracted to, be they Asian, Caucasian, Latino/a, or Black. In terms of other physical attributes, I've found that I'm not picky. This isn't to say that I do not have things that I find sexy, in either gender, but that's another blog topic for another day.

Oh, that said, I like taller people or shorter people. Not so much people around my average height. It's one of those things that I'm just weird about.

I think that should be enough for a first blog post, so I'll just leave it here for now. Thanks for taking the time to let me exhibit my vain thoughts.