Our Fetlife's

Dealing with being told "No"

Posted by SweetPea at 9:41 PM
Now, this post might make me come off as a bit of a brat or being spoiled, but bare with me for a few.  Have you ever wanted something so bad that your little heart sinks into your chest every time you are reminded that you can't have it and all you want it to bitch whine and cry until you get it? I guess this is kind of like that. I am ready to have my second child, have been for a while now..but Dan isn't. Which I can understand, he feels he is not in a position to be able to support a child, he feels that we should spend more time together as a couple before having a child, and he feels that he should be able to provide for the child without my help in case God forbid something happens to me.  (Which I am assuming comes from the fact he lost his own mother when he was 13, and it took a toll on not only his father's financial situation but also on his father's over all mental state. They were married for at least 13 years. )

In most of these situations I agree with him, we have not been together long. Only 17 months. I have just finished a divorce earlier this year, I already have a child with my ex-husband, and he's right he is not financially stable, but none of that makes it hurt any less. I am continuing to work hard towards security and financial stability by doing to school, working, and planning for our future, but its really not fair that I have to watch my friends (some who seem like they don't even want their kids) raise their kids, I have to see families who have no business having children get to have their children.  I guess patience just really isn't my virtue, and I don't know maybe it is just my hormones fucking with me, but it does hurt bad enough to leave me teary eyed and upset for days on end.

But unfortunately the reality is I really just have to suck it up and work harder to get to where we need to be for him to be comfortable with us having a child together.  He did make me a promise that he would began to attend college at a near by state college which should help him get on the right track of becoming financial secure, it's by no means what I want, but it is a step in the right direction. 

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