I am not a jealous person by nature. Growing up, I was not even sure why girls felt the need to get jealous. I was by all accounts indifferent to the emotion. Until I had a baby, and after that a whole new wave of emotions I had never experienced before and had no idea how to deal with swarmed me. Jealousy was among them.
Tonight I was cleaning the house, nothing too major, just vacuuming, making sure dishes were in their proper spot and throwing away any trash or debree that might be lingering around in hopes that tidying up might help me clear my head space so that I could better concentrate on my school work. When I got to the room that Dan and I share I came across some documents from almost a year ago. Turned out that they belonged to a certain green haired girl that I shall herein refer to as "Scary spice." Now I have known from the beginning of our relationship that Dan has had a thing for Scary spice, which is fine I have a thing for Andy Whitfield (google him.) but these little documents that Dan had left on our dresser were a reminder that he had paid her probation fees all last year while we together and also has been paying her phone bill for the past two years...18 months of which we were together. Well, we got into it. It really really bothers me that he does this for her, and to be honest it's just her that this bothers me with. I don't like it in the least she has her own significant other, and I think it is highly inappropriate.
Of course his response to how I feel is 1.) It's his money. 2.) It was a Christmas gift back in Christmas of 2012 and he is still obligated to pay for it. ...Honestly, who does that? So words between us were thrown back in forth with his argument being "that I always bring old things up." Mine being "It isn't something old if something that bothers me is continuing to happen. " The other problem that I have with scary spice is she has several friends that would jump if she said how high, ... so why does she also get to have part of what belongs to me? I asked Dan if he thought it would be appropriate if Scary Spice's bf paid for my cell phone bill. He said scary spice's bf would have a problem with it, because he's a deadbeat and doesn't pay for anything for himself. Ahh touche' you may think, but tell me why does Scary Spice's bad choice in men automatically mean that I have to share mine?
With Rayne I was perfectly okay with being Poly, sure bring another girl in. I am all for it! However, with Dan I don't see it ever being possible. Seeing him give just a puzzle piece sized portion of himself, ...is too much. I don't even like knowing that they talk via text, but at the same time I don't want to try to hinder who he is "allowed" to hang out with. I just feel him paying her probation , and her phone bill is crossing over common courtesy boundaries of a relationship. I also blame her for this because if the tables were turned, ... scary spice would become scary bitch. So I don't understand how she seems to be under the impression that this is appropriate either.
I don't know, on one hand I feel I am totally justified in being upset and on the other I feel that perhaps I am overreacting. The argument ended as per usual, with him continuing to pay her cell phone bill, and with me crying in the corner of the bed because something as simple as that, ...is like telling me "If it came down to it, I would choose her over you. " Thought he has made light of the situation by making jokes as " Why would I trade one crazy bitch for another?"
Oh gee I don't know Dan ..maybe cause you pursued her and I had to chase after you. I digress. It also makes me feel like Scary Spice takes precedence over me.
Ahh well, at least I got some pretty good sex after the argument.
Tonight I was cleaning the house, nothing too major, just vacuuming, making sure dishes were in their proper spot and throwing away any trash or debree that might be lingering around in hopes that tidying up might help me clear my head space so that I could better concentrate on my school work. When I got to the room that Dan and I share I came across some documents from almost a year ago. Turned out that they belonged to a certain green haired girl that I shall herein refer to as "Scary spice." Now I have known from the beginning of our relationship that Dan has had a thing for Scary spice, which is fine I have a thing for Andy Whitfield (google him.) but these little documents that Dan had left on our dresser were a reminder that he had paid her probation fees all last year while we together and also has been paying her phone bill for the past two years...18 months of which we were together. Well, we got into it. It really really bothers me that he does this for her, and to be honest it's just her that this bothers me with. I don't like it in the least she has her own significant other, and I think it is highly inappropriate.
Of course his response to how I feel is 1.) It's his money. 2.) It was a Christmas gift back in Christmas of 2012 and he is still obligated to pay for it. ...Honestly, who does that? So words between us were thrown back in forth with his argument being "that I always bring old things up." Mine being "It isn't something old if something that bothers me is continuing to happen. " The other problem that I have with scary spice is she has several friends that would jump if she said how high, ... so why does she also get to have part of what belongs to me? I asked Dan if he thought it would be appropriate if Scary Spice's bf paid for my cell phone bill. He said scary spice's bf would have a problem with it, because he's a deadbeat and doesn't pay for anything for himself. Ahh touche' you may think, but tell me why does Scary Spice's bad choice in men automatically mean that I have to share mine?
With Rayne I was perfectly okay with being Poly, sure bring another girl in. I am all for it! However, with Dan I don't see it ever being possible. Seeing him give just a puzzle piece sized portion of himself, ...is too much. I don't even like knowing that they talk via text, but at the same time I don't want to try to hinder who he is "allowed" to hang out with. I just feel him paying her probation , and her phone bill is crossing over common courtesy boundaries of a relationship. I also blame her for this because if the tables were turned, ... scary spice would become scary bitch. So I don't understand how she seems to be under the impression that this is appropriate either.
I don't know, on one hand I feel I am totally justified in being upset and on the other I feel that perhaps I am overreacting. The argument ended as per usual, with him continuing to pay her cell phone bill, and with me crying in the corner of the bed because something as simple as that, ...is like telling me "If it came down to it, I would choose her over you. " Thought he has made light of the situation by making jokes as " Why would I trade one crazy bitch for another?"
Oh gee I don't know Dan ..maybe cause you pursued her and I had to chase after you. I digress. It also makes me feel like Scary Spice takes precedence over me.
Ahh well, at least I got some pretty good sex after the argument.
0 comments:
Post a Comment